Posted in adhd, bible verses, bipolar, disability, fibromyalgia, grace, mental disorders, phobias

Disability Hearing

Well, I had my hearing today to determine whether or not I can get disability. It went fairly well. My lawyer seems to think I have a great case and have a good shot at winning.

Sorry I haven’t posted lately. I’ve been so distracted about this hearing and haven’t been able to focus on anything but that.

But now it’s over. And so the waiting game begins……

I discovered a Bible verse last night as I was reading that fit my situation perfectly. It is found in 2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

No matter what the decision by the judge, God’s grace is sufficient for me. He will get me through this and He hasn’t left me for one minute. He’s by my side always.

Another verse I found comforting is found in Philippians 3:20-21:

20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

My body may be failing me right now but soon I will have a new body! My citizenship is not here on earth, it’s in Heaven where Jesus awaits me.

 

How is YOUR day going?

 

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Posted in Uncategorized

Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning?

I still remember where I was on September 11, 2001. It’s been 17 years but I will always remember where I was.
I was a freshman in college, taking classes at the local community college. I had a late day that day so I was sleeping in when the phone rang. It was my mom calling from work telling me to turn on the TV right away.
I turned on the TV just to see the second plane hit the tower. I was in shock. What was going on??
I went to class as usual and was sitting in my psychology class when the professor stopped talking and just looked at us. He then told us that he couldn’t teach, that everything that was going on was just so surreal and that we were dismissed.
That day changed America, obviously. People were nicer, kinder. Churches filled up. People were scared and looking for answers.
It’s been 17 years. But I remember it as if it were yesterday.

Alan Jackson,

“Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?

Where were you when the world stopped turnin’
That September day?
Were you in the yard with your wife and children
Or workin’ on some stage in L.A.?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke
Risin’ against that blue sky?
Did you shout out in anger, in fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry?
Did you weep for the children, they lost their dear loved ones
Pray for the ones who don’t know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below?
Did you burst out with pride for the red, white, and blue
And the heroes who died just doin’ what they do?
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself and what really matters?
I’m just a singer of simple songs
I’m not a real political man
I watch CNN, but I’m not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope, and love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is love
Where were you when the world stopped turnin’
That September day?
Teachin’ a class full of innocent children
Or drivin’ down some cold interstate?
Did you feel guilty ’cause you’re a survivor?
In a crowded room did you feel alone?
Did you call up your mother and tell her you love her?
Did you dust off that Bible at home?
Did you open your eyes and hope it never happened
Close your eyes and not go to sleep?
Did you notice the sunset for the first time in ages
And speak to some stranger on the street?
Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow
Go out and buy you a gun?
Did you turn off that violent old movie you’re watchin’
And turn on I Love Lucy reruns?
Did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers
Stand in line to give your own blood?
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family
Thank God you had somebody to love?
I’m just a singer of simple songs
I’m not a real political man
I watch CNN, but I’m not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope, and love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is love
I’m just a singer of simple songs
I’m not a real political man
I watch CNN, but I’m not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope, and love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is love
And the greatest is love
And the greatest is love
Where were you when the world stopped turnin’
On that September day
Posted in Uncategorized

Bring it On, Florence!

Florence Track 9.8 AMWell, as I write this, we are anxiously awaiting Hurricane Florence to arrive. She has been so unpredictable so there is a good chance we won’t get hit directly, which actually disappoints me. Call me crazy but I love storms! It has a calming effect on me, actually. Yes, I know, I’m weird. I actually want this hurricane to hit!

Actually, right now, she is a tropical storm but is expected to gain strength and become a major hurricane again. Bring it on, Florence!


I did some writing yesterday! I hand wrote ten pages front and back! I was so very proud of myself. I forced myself to write through the frustrations of brain fog. It was a struggle but I did it! Sometimes I had to stop and then come back to it but that’s okay! It’s slowly but surely coming back to me!

I’m doing some more writing today. It seems to be just gibberish but hey, at least I’m writing and getting myself back into the swing of things!

How’s your Saturday going?

 

Posted in fibromyalgia

My Battle with Fibromyalgia

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Most of you know that I struggle with fibromyalgia, a chronic illness that causes widespread body pain, fatigue and cognitive difficulties (“fibro fog”)

So what CAUSES fibromyalgia? Doctors don’t know for sure what exactly causes it but do believe a number of factors play a role:

  • Genetics
  • Infections (like mono which I contracted in college. The Epstein Barr Virus, which causes mono,  stays in a person’s system for the rest of their life but .)
  • physical or emotional trauma (like the seizure I had which resulted in me breaking my collarbone)

Common Symptoms:

  • widespread pain
  • jaw pain and stiffness
  • stiff joints and muscles in the morning
  • headaches
  • irregular sleep patterns
  • irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)
  • difficulties with memory and concentration, known as “fibro-fog”
  • fatigue

They are so many more symptoms. Not every person who has fibromyalgia deals with the same symptoms as someone else. It varies from person to person, which is why I believe it’s so hard to diagnose.

Researchers believe repeated nerve stimulation causes the brains of people with fibromyalgia to change. This change involves an abnormal increase in levels of certain chemicals in the brain that signal pain (neurotransmitters). In addition, the brain’s pain receptors seem to develop a sort of memory of the pain and become more sensitive, meaning they can overreact to pain signals.

—-Mayo Clinic

It’s a daily struggle, that’s for sure.

For anyone who has a chronic illness, some days can be just plain awful. Once in a while we’ll have a good day but I know for me, that after that “good day” the next few are bad. And why? Well for me,and probably most people, it’s because we did too much on that “good day.” We did more than we should have

I’ve been struggling with fibromyalgia since around 2008 when I was living in Nashville, TN. My doctors there were ruling out other illnesses and trying to come up with a plan when I had to abruptly move back home to Norfolk, VA.  So as I tried to  transfer my medical records to a doctor here, I discovered the doctor I chose didn’t believe in fibromyalgia and told me it was all in my head.

Photo by Marc Schäfer on Unsplash

The doctor after that told me the same thing. I couldn’t find a doctor who would believe me. It was all in my head according to them! Until 2016. This doctor finally believed me! He told me that fibromyalgia was indeed a real illness. I am currently being treated by him. He’s a great doctor who takes the time to listen to his patients. He genuinely cares for his patients.  I told him that if he ever left to start his own practice, I would be following him. LOL

I think my biggest frustration with fibromyalgia, besides the body pain and fatigue, is the memory issues. I have the worst memory. I get words mixed up and half the time can’t remember what I was trying to say. It’s so annoying. That’s why sometimes I go for days without a blog post because the words just won’t come or they get mixed up and I just get so frustrated that I don’t write.

(Maybe I should write through the frustration! It’s a thought! I’ll have to give it a try!)

I don’t understand why I must have fibromyalgia and all these other health problems (bipolar disorder, ADHD, PCOS, anxiety, depression) but I know that God is in control and will help me fight these battles.  Perhaps He’s allowing me to go through this so that I may grow closer to Him, reaching out to Him always. To learn to depend on Him always.

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you

I Peter 5:7

 

 

 

 

Posted in prayer

Just Say Jesus

I was listening to this song the other day and this line stuck out: “When You don’t know what to say, just say Jesus.”
I’ve been struggling with my focus lately and there are moments I just don’t know how to pray. I can’t get my mind to settle down long enough to open up to God. But this song says it perfectly: Just say Jesus. He knows our every thought, our every struggle. He knows what is on our mind! So when we struggle with prayer, when we don’t know what to say, just say Jesus. He already knows what we want to say.
7eventh Time Down-“Just Say Jesus”
Life gets tough, and times get hard
It’s hard to find the truth in all the lies
If you’re tired of wondering why
Your heart isn’t healing
And nothing feels like home
Cause your lost and alone just screaming at the sky
When you don’t know what to say
Just Say Jesus
There is power in the name
The Name of Jesus
If the words wont come
Cause you’re to afraid to pray
Just Say Jesus
Whisper it now, or shout it out
However it comes out, He hears your cry
Out of nowhere He will come-you got to believe it
He will rescue you
Just call out to the Way, The Truth, The Life
When you don’t know what to say
Just Say Jesus
There is power in the name
The Name of Jesus
If the words won’t come
Cause you’re to afraid to pray
There is just One name
Strong enough to save
There is just One name
There is just One name
Jesus
When you don’t know what to say
Just Say Jesus
There’s still power in the name
The Name of Jesus
If the words wont come
Cause you’re to afraid to pray
If the words wont come
And you don’t know what to say
Just Say Jesus
Posted in adhd, bipolar, medications, mental disorders

Unable to Focus

The struggle is real, y’all.

Lately, I have had the worst time trying to concentrate on things. I want to read, so I grab a book and can’t get past the first page. My mind is wandering all over the place. I want to write a blog post, so I open up WordPress and out comes…..nothing.

(Just trying to write this is painful….my mind wanders and I can’t sit still)

I just can’t concentrate enough to get it done. I’m restless and irritable that I can’t focus long enough to get something done.

Looks like I’ll be having to make a call to my psychiatrist. I was on Kapvay for the adult ADHD but my doctor took me off of it because I was having side effects that I couldn’t handle. We discussed starting something else but I told her I wanted to wait to see if I could beat this on my own. I mean, I know ADHD is not something you can just “beat” but I was confident I could control it.

Boy, was I wrong.

It’s so frustrating.

So please, if you get a moment, please pray for me.

*********

Okay, so I took a break from writing this and guess what I came across? A prayer I had found online and copied onto an index card. Here’s what it says:

Lord, I am wholly devoted to You. I struggle with distractions but my heart wants You. Help me, walk with me, never leave me. I give you my distractions, Lord. Lead me into green pastures, still waters and do life with me, God. I love You, I set my affection on You. You are good and faithful and You will provide for every need I have. I trust You, help me to trust You completely. Let me feel Your presence, let me feel Your love. Thank You!

I’m not sure who wrote out that prayer but I thank them for posting it because it really helped me.

Distractions are going to happen in life, no doubt about it. But I have GOD on my side and He will take care of me when I’m going through these periods of not being able to focus.

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

 

Posted in bible verses, christian living, christianity, song lyrics

If We Are The Body….

This song by Casting Crowns has been on my mind the past couple of days. My church, which has been open 65 years, will be closing soon and we will be relaunching as a new church with a new name. The building we are currently in is beyond repair. It will cost way too much to fix and it’s just not worth putting all that money into it anymore.
It’s been bittersweet to think about this church closing, because I’ve been there since I was 4,  but as I’ve been reminded, it’s just a building! Where we meet doesn’t matter because WE are the church. We are the body.
We need to be reaching out to others. The hurting and the lost. They need Jesus. We are called to be a light in this world, to show people Jesus.
1 Corinthians 12:27 tells us,

27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

 

If We Are The Body

Casting Crowns

It’s crowded in worship today
As she slips in trying to fade into the faces
The girls teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know
But if we are the body
Why aren’t His arms reaching?
Why aren’t His hands healing?
Why aren’t His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren’t His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way, there is a way
A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat and quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances
Tells him that his chances are better out on the road
But if we are the body
Why aren’t His arms reaching?
Why aren’t His hands healing?
Why aren’t His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren’t His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the body of Christ
But if we are the body
Why aren’t His arms reaching?
Why aren’t His hands healing?
Why aren’t His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren’t His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
Jesus is the way
Jesus is the way
we are His hands
We are His feet
We are His body
Jesus is the way