What’s Your Story?

I’m curious to hear your stories about how you came to Christ! I love hearing how Christ has changed a person!

Here’s my story:

I have been in church since I was 4 years old. I went to a Christian school up until 4th grade. I’ve heard about Christ nearly my whole life. I even participated in Bible Sword Drill and (not trying to boast here) made it to our Nationals. I had all the head knowledge of Christ, I could recite Bible verses at the drop of a hat.

I was saved, was I not? I was a Christian, right? That’s what I told myself.

Then the darkness came. I fell into a deep depression during my senior year of high school and I hated life. Gone were the days of reading my Bible and praying to God. I just didn’t care anymore.

Then it came time for me to go to college. I attended a local community college my first year and then after much prodding from my mother, I enrolled at the Free Will Baptist Bible College (now known as Welch College). I told her I would give it a try.

During spring break in 2003, I came home for a week and at church that Sunday, we had an evangelist come and speak and he said this one thing that turned my whole world around. He said this one thing that made me immediately realize I wasn’t a Christian like I’d been pretending to be. He said this:

You can be 99% sure of your salvation but your still 100% lost.

It clicked with me! I’d been leading a life full of hypocrisy. I wasn’t saved. I never had been. And just like that I headed to the altar, tears streaming down my face. I gave my life to Christ on March 16, 2003. I went back to school a new person. The weight was off my shoulders. The weight I didn’t really realize I was carrying. I was FREE!

Now of course that doesn’t mean life got suddenly easy. Satan tries his very best to bring me down and on some occasions he almost has. But with Christ on my side, I’ve been able to pull myself back up every time.

In 2008, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I should have seen it coming. I had all the symptoms back in high school but was only diagnosed with depression.

It’s been a struggle…having a mental illness and trying to live a Christ-like life. Satan knows my weaknesses and does everything He can think of to twist my mental illness in order to lead me astray from the Lord.

But I believe God will use my bipolar disorder for good. It says in Romans 8:28:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

So how about y’all? What are YOUR coming to Christ stories?

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Quick update on Landen. This was posted about 6 hours ago:

Landen is overall the same. His bp got low overnight and his heart rate has been high. About to meet with his doctor to discuss those things.

Thankfully, part of the day he was awake and responding to us. Brayden and Hannah Grace got to visit, and you could tell he was excited to see his brother and sister.

At this point, it is just a lot of waiting. Please pray for strength and patience. Continue persevering in prayer for Landen. Thank you for your love and support. #landensstory

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Update On Landen

Just wanted to give an update on Landen…this is from this morning.

Good morning…Landen had a stable night and we all rested well. He got very uncomfortable with his ventilator yesterday but thankfully we were able to get that under control and meet our goals of weaning some of his settings. Today, they will not be weaning any more vent settings as his lungs are not ready.

We are still waiting on cultures from his blood and fluid off of his lungs.

They will begin trying feeds today at a slow rate to put something in his gut.

Dialysis is supporting him nicely and he is almost to his dry weight.

He is on track to get his stem cell boost next week.

Please continue praying for his lungs, kidneys, fungal infection, bkv, and a day of steps in the right direction. #landensstory

Keep on praying!

 

Yes, I’m a Christian and I’m Bipolar…

I touched on this topic a little over a year ago but decided to add to it in case a new follower needs to read it.

Yes, it is possible to be a Christian, to have the love of the Lord in you and still struggle with a mental illness. The two CAN coexist! Because guess what? Mental illness? It doesn’t discriminate. It can strike anyone at any given time. It’s a chemical imbalance.

It’s taken some time to get this blog post out because as soon as I sit down at my computer to start writing, I start losing focus. I become agitated because I can’t get my thoughts out the way I want them to.  Oh, I have many many thoughts racing through my head but they won’t come out on screen. It’s a bunch of jumbled thoughts, not making sense.

So what do I do in times like these? I wish I could say I always turn to the Lord to help me (and I do most of the time) but every once in a while I sit and have a pity party. “Why me? Why do I have to be like this? Why can’t I just be normal?” I cry and cry.

I realize having a pity party is definitely not the best way to handle it but try telling me that when I’m having an episode. It doesn’t work. I eventually find my way out of the pity party and then turn to the Lord. (I know, I know…..I should have turned to God first….and believe me…I try! But sometimes Satan is stronger than me and pulls me down.)

So why can’t I just turn to the Lord the second I feel myself slipping? I wish I had an answer for you. I don’t know. I honestly have no idea.

I’m getting better at turning to the Lord in these times. I haven’t had a bad episode in quite some time. The Lord is slowly working in me and I’m becoming stronger.

The other day I was doing my devotions and came across Psalm 27. The first verse is one of my favorites:

1. The Lord is my light and my salvation–so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?

The Lord is ALWAYS with me even when I’m not with Him! He’s there for me when I’m suffering. He’s there when life is good! He’s my light! He’s my salvation!

The last verse has become a favorite of mine too.

14. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

If you’re suffering…if you feel lost and confused…turn to Jesus. He will never fail you.

 

Pray for Landen

I have a special prayer request for all you prayer warriors out there. The adorable boy in the picture is Landen. He’s 9 years old and the nephew of a dear friend of mine.

Landen has Primordial Dwarfism and has been in and out of the hospital for different health issues. He is currently in the hospital and has seen good days and bad days.

He really needs our prayers. Here is the latest update(about 8 hours ago) from his parents:

Landen is stable this morning but things are very serious. They are doing a bronchoscopy to try and determine if he has a viral, bacterial, or fungal infection in his lungs. We are not out of treatment options but none of the options are good options because what they would need to use would further damage other organs. He will be on 24 hr. dialysis and is getting pheresis now. Doctors are doing all they know to do.

I am so thankful for the great doctors and nurses taking care of Landen but I remind us that our hope is in Jesus. It is up to Him. We trust Him. We know He loves us and loves Landen more than any of us do. We know He can speak the word and heal Landen but if He chooses differently, He is still our Hope. We will still trust Him.

Isaiah 41:10, “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

PRAY for Landen and our family. God is still able!

 

You can follow his story on Facebook… #landensstory

Please join me in praying for Landen and for his family!

Repost: Thorn in my flesh

**This is an old post from 2017 but I feel the need to share it again.**

…..Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinithians 12:7-10

Some days are just a huge struggle. Seriously, the struggle is real just trying to get out of bed. My mind races with incomplete thoughts, I’m constantly restless and I just have no energy to function. Welcome to a day in the life of someone with bipolar disorder and ADHD and other health problems.

Is this the result of some unconfessed sin in my life? No, I don’t believe so. Could God heal me completely? Absolutely? But do I think He will? No, I don’t think so. This is my “thorn in the flesh.” God is using my mental illness and other physical illnesses to draw me closer to Him. He’s trying to tell me that His grace is sufficient. And it is!

Unfortunately, there are people out there who believe mental illnesses are the result of a lack of faith or some unconfessed sin. I do not hold this stance.

Why is there such a stigma regarding mental illness in the church? Why are people so afraid of it? Tell me, is having a mental illness any different from suffering from a physical illness?

When a person is suffering from diabetes, people have no problem with that person seeing a doctor and being treated for that particular problem. But when a person is diagnosed with a mental illness, there must be unconfessed sin. Either that or the person’s faith is not strong enough.

I had someone tell me that once. When they heard that I was bipolar they actually looked me in the eye and said that my faith wasn’t strong enough. Basically, I needed to “pray it away.”

MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES DO NOT DISCRIMINATE! It CAN and DOES happen to people every single day. People who are strong in their faith. People who are weak in their faith. People who don’t HAVE faith. It does not matter!

I know for a fact that Jesus loves me unconditionally. Meaning, he loves me despite my flaws, despite my health issues. He loves me.

Do I believe that I could wake up tomorrow completely healed from all my health ailments? Absolutely! But I also believe God uses these things to draw people closer to Him. And that is what He is doing with me.

My health problems are my “thorn in the flesh.” I have come to terms with that. God is using my health issues for good. I may not know what that is right now but I have accepted the fact that I’m going to have these health issues the rest of my life. And I grow closer to God every single day. 🙂

 

A Huge Decision to Make

Hey everyone!

I have a HUGE prayer request. I have a very important decision to make by tomorrow, August 9th and I’m struggling with it. Pray that God gives me the wisdom and courage to make the right decision.

Thank you so much.

I hope and pray that you all are well!

What Happens When God Doesn’t Answer Our Prayers The Way We Want Him To?

²⁴ Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Mark 11:24

⁷ “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Matthew 7:7-8

I’m going to be straight up honest here: I prayed these verses nearly every single day while I was waiting to hear if I would be awarded disability. And so you can imagine my disappointment when I was denied disability. Was I upset? Yes. Was I confused? A little, yes. I mean, c’mon…I had prayed over and over. And the Bible SAYS if we go to God and ask Him, He will give it to us.

But we fail to miss something here…God is not a vending machine. We don’t get to pick and choose and expect Him to just give us everything we ask for. Sometimes it’s just not the right time and sometimes He says “No” to our requests because it’s not in His will.

I am currently facing a decision about whether to file for disability again. I have been back to work 7 months now and I have had to call out a lot or leave work early. My body just can’t handle the stress of working. I come home from work most days in extreme pain and am miserable. And lately, I’ve been having some cardiac issues. My heart rate increases to about 150 beats a minute while I’m just merely shelving books at work. I am out of breath a lot. So I have a cardiologist appointment on the 13th of August. Back in 2005, I was hospitalized for a condition called Wolff Parkinson White Syndrome. Here’s a little summary of what that is:

Wolff-Parkinson-White (WPW) syndrome is a condition in which there is an extra electrical pathway in the heart. The condition can lead to periods of rapid heart rate (tachycardia).

Normally, electrical signals follow a certain pathway through the heart. This helps the heart beat regularly. This prevents the heart from having extra beats or beats happening too soon.

In people with WPW syndrome, some of the heart’s electrical signals go down an extra pathway. This may cause a very rapid heart rate called supraventricular tachycardia.

I have been told that there is like a 5% chance that this problem can return once the procedure to remove the extra electrical pathway has been performed. And since all the weird and rare things seem to happen to me, I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the case, LOL!

But back to answering prayer…God knows what is best for us. He loves us! He knows what we can handle and what we can’t. He WILL answer our prayers….we just have to be patient. And when He says “No” to a particular prayer request…we must accept it and move on. Because He has better things in store for us. Maybe the answer of “no” is only temporary. Maybe God is saying, “not right now, child.”