I sit here at my laptop and practically beg for the words to come. I want to write something good….something practical….something that will help someone else.
But the words just won’t come. I sit and stare at the blinking cursor and get agitated because the one thing I used to be good at, the one thing I could always count on was my writing. I used to have the ability to sit down and write til my heart was content.
Now it just feels forced.
I’ve always been told to “write what you know.” A problem I have with that is “what do I know??” “How do I know what I know?”
I am my own worst critic. I’ve been having a bit of a relapse with my bipolar disorder so that coupled with the ADHD is causing me to doubt myself.
Please bear with me as I struggle to get through this episode of self doubt and feelings of inadequacy.
(pity party table for 1?)
Perhaps I AM having a bit of a pity party. I’m sorry, I will try to do better.
I came across this verse in Philippians that really made me stop and think:
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.
Maybe that’s why I’m having trouble finding the words. I’m trying to write for ME and not God. I know I’ve recently written about this before but I’m still struggling. Struggling with finding the right words.
I want my words to mean something to someone. I want my words to bring glory to God.
I want my words to point people to Jesus.
But my mind is all over the place. My mind races constantly and getting words out is a constant struggle. It’s taken me forever just to write this post. I’ve written a little then stopped to do something else, come back and written some more.
Can I ask all of you to please pray for me? I know this post has been all over the place but that’s the trouble with bipolar episodes. My mind races and I flit from one thought to the next in seconds.
This is the struggle of a bipolar Christian.