Posted in adhd, bipolar, Faith, fear, fibromyalgia, mental disorders

Struggles of a Bipolar Christian

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

I sit here at my laptop and practically beg for the words to come. I want to write something good….something practical….something that will help someone else.

But the words just won’t come. I sit and stare at the blinking cursor and get agitated because the one thing I used to be good at, the one thing I could always count on was my writing. I used to have the ability to sit down and write til my heart was content.

Now it just feels forced.

I’ve always been told to “write what you know.” A problem I have with that is “what do I know??” “How do I know what I know?”

I am my own worst critic. I’ve been having a bit of a relapse with my bipolar disorder so that coupled with the ADHD is causing me to doubt myself.

Please bear with me as I struggle to get through this episode of self doubt and feelings of inadequacy.

(pity party table for 1?)

Perhaps I AM having a bit of a pity party. I’m sorry, I will try to do better.


I came across this verse in Philippians that really made me stop and think:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:3-4

Maybe that’s why I’m having trouble finding the words. I’m trying to write for ME and not God. I know I’ve recently written about this before but I’m still struggling. Struggling with finding the right words.

An open notebook on a wooden surface in front of a laptop
Photo by Nick Morrison on Unsplash

I want my words to mean something to someone. I want my words to bring glory to God.

I want my words to point people to Jesus.

But my mind is all over the place. My mind races constantly and getting words out is a constant struggle. It’s taken me forever just to write this post. I’ve written a little then stopped to do something else, come back and written some more.

Can I ask all of you to please pray for me? I know this post has been all over the place but that’s the trouble with bipolar episodes. My mind races and I flit from one thought to the next in seconds.

This is the struggle of a bipolar Christian.

 

 

 

9 thoughts on “Struggles of a Bipolar Christian

  1. You are doing just fine ❤ I think the scripture totally keeps all of us in check. We have to be careful we are not writing only for ourselves or even our "glory."

    Something you may want to consider to help focus. Don't worry about "what you know," this is only one part, I believe, of what it means to be a writer. Write what speaks to you. Write what you think or are aware of that others want to know. This includes discussing scripture, just you like did. 🙂 You could look up writing prompts too, if you wanted.

    It's one thing to say to ourselves, "I'm not going to let this defeat me," and we still struggle. It's one thing entirely different to struggle through the water and still hold God's hand. Leigh, I believe you truly want to hold His hand, and I believe He will continue to help you through these storms. ❤ I will add this request to your other request for the community prayer. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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