Y’all, I’m feeling deep tonight.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and wondering and reading about what I believe.
Satan is doing a number on me, causing me to doubt my salvation.
March 16 will be 17 years that I accepted Christ as my Savior. But what I’ve been wondering about lately is whether I acted on FEELINGS when I went to the altar or was it a true salvation experience.
And also….are my beliefs really my beliefs or are these beliefs what I was TAUGHT to believe growing up?
I asked my mom this question and she responded with: “Well what DO you believe?” I told her, “I believe Christ died for my sins and he is alive today! He will be coming again one day for his children.”
See, the problem I struggle with is sin. (Of course we ALL struggle with sin) but why do I continue to commit this one particular sin? Like Paul says in Romans,
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do but what I hate, I do.
Romans 7:15
I know that just because I am a Christian doesn’t mean I won’t fall sometimes. I get that. We’re fallen creatures and sin can get the best of us.
*sigh* I have so much going on in my mind. My thoughts are racing like crazy and I’m half wondering if I’m getting ready to go into a relapse with my bipolar disorder. My thoughts are everywhere. I can’t sit still.
See? That’s another issue I have. How can one be a bipolar Christian? Doesn’t one negate the other?
The bottom line is this: Do I believe what I believe? I realize that probably doesn’t make sense…lol. But are my beliefs actually what I believe or is it just beliefs I was TAUGHT to believe my entire life.
I’m struggling tonight, y’all. If you wouldn’t mind saying a prayer for me that Satan will LEAVE and stop trying to make me doubt my salvation.
