Y’all, I’m feeling deep tonight.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and wondering and reading about what I believe.
Satan is doing a number on me, causing me to doubt my salvation.
March 16 will be 17 years that I accepted Christ as my Savior. But what I’ve been wondering about lately is whether I acted on FEELINGS when I went to the altar or was it a true salvation experience.
And also….are my beliefs really my beliefs or are these beliefs what I was TAUGHT to believe growing up?
I asked my mom this question and she responded with: “Well what DO you believe?” I told her, “I believe Christ died for my sins and he is alive today! He will be coming again one day for his children.”
See, the problem I struggle with is sin. (Of course we ALL struggle with sin) but why do I continue to commit this one particular sin? Like Paul says in Romans,
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do but what I hate, I do.
Romans 7:15
I know that just because I am a Christian doesn’t mean I won’t fall sometimes. I get that. We’re fallen creatures and sin can get the best of us.
*sigh* I have so much going on in my mind. My thoughts are racing like crazy and I’m half wondering if I’m getting ready to go into a relapse with my bipolar disorder. My thoughts are everywhere. I can’t sit still.
See? That’s another issue I have. How can one be a bipolar Christian? Doesn’t one negate the other?
The bottom line is this: Do I believe what I believe? I realize that probably doesn’t make sense…lol. But are my beliefs actually what I believe or is it just beliefs I was TAUGHT to believe my entire life.
I’m struggling tonight, y’all. If you wouldn’t mind saying a prayer for me that Satan will LEAVE and stop trying to make me doubt my salvation.
All You Need is Jesus 
My prayer for you: You dear child(ren) are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. (1 John 4:4 NIV)
May His blessings and peace be yours,
Pastor Chuck
LikeLike
I was only able to release sin I had when I surrendered to Jesus. I realized I was trying to fight sin by my own strength and, of course, it failed. When I struggled, if I was watching something, I looked for anything that was ungodly and encouraged the flesh. If I saw it, I turned it off. I’ve stopped watching a lot of shows, movies and Youtubers this way. I’ve lost books I used to read. Cursing, taking God’s name in name, sexual jokes, sexual immortality, encouraging sin, etc. Anything that did not draw me to Jesus had to go. Anything that was wicked to God had to go. Gossip. Reality shows. Etc.
Then I turned my focus to Jesus and worship. I focused away from my flesh and just focused on His presence and praising Him.
Part of the fruit of the Holy Spirit is self control. I used to wonder if these sins would never go away. But Jesus is our hope. When we turn from the world and its hold on us because of Jesus and through Him, truly chains break.
It’s not just head knowledge but applying that knowledge because we truly believe it and therefore act on it. We live it. I used to feel so helpless, but my power is in Jesus, not myself.
Therefore, before the temptation even began, I had to anchor myself for battle. That’s when I started with getting rid of media. I wanted to grow and be surrounded by His edifying truth and worship Him
You might enjoy David Wood on YouTube. He is a psychopath, I know some people hate that term. But he legit has no feelings. And…he is a believer! His testimony, I hear, is amazing. I’ve been planning to listen to him recently. Thought maybe you might enjoy him. Apparently, because he doesn’t care what people say or think, he goes hard with the truth!
I enjoy Doreen Virtue on Youtube, Melissa Dougherty, Mike Winger, Paul Washer and Pastor Tim Conway. Through Doreen and Melissa I’ve learned a lot about false teachings and secular practices that Christians think are okay, but they aren’t. Really interestinf stuff, if you’re into that. 🙂 Mike is well researched, so if you want a lot of info he is great. Both Pastor Washer and Pastor Conway are just great shepherds and speak the truth.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for the suggestions! I will definitely look into it!
Also, thanks for the sweet comments. You are so right that we need to rely on Jesus, not ourselves.
I hate that I struggle. But at least I can take those struggles to God!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I had so many issues. I think those had to go first before certain sins could go. I had to surrender it. I honestly thought I did. I thought because I didn’t “feel convicted” I thought certain things were okay. No. That’s when I learned just because we don’t feel convicted doesn’t mean something is godly. What doesn’t glorify God doesn’t glorify God, no matter how we feel about it.
God can use this for His glory! He can grow us!!! He can help us truly repent. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think what makes it a little more difficult is the mental health issues I struggle with.
I honestly believe God can heal me if He wants to but I think by NOT healing me He is teaching me to be strong and to lean on Him. It’s my “thorn in the flesh.”
Satan sees and knows this to be my weakness. So he plants these seeds of doubts ever so subtly at first and then they grow. I’ve just got to learn to not let them grow!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Belief in Christ is what is required. Surrender, repentance, and fruit of the Holy Spirit are reflections of salvation in Christ. Salvation is spoken of in all tenses. We receive it and strive for it.
Having a mental illness the enemy can make you question and doubt more because of your vulnerability, and vulnerability will always be used against us in any and every circumstance.
I think definitely you can use this to testify of Jesus and His love for you. Do draw closer to Him. ❤ God can use this, Romans 8:28, absolutely.
LikeLiked by 1 person
God can use any kind of illness to make us more compassionate and understanding of others who struggle. Our story of how God brought us through and revealed Himself to us is a part of our testimony.
I thought of two verses as I read your post and the comments of others:
2 Corinthians 10:5 and Ephesians 4:27
Bring every thought captive to the authority of Christ.
Do not leave the devil a foothold, military Campground from where he can attack. Any sin that is unconfessed leaves the door open for attack. That’s why it is so important to confess our sins daily and even throughout the day as the spirit convicts us.
I’ve had that same feeling in the past, wondering why I can’t stop doing some sin. It takes lots of practice purposefully doing the opposite. Like with the sin of Unthankfulness, the Lord finally impressed it on me to write a daily post on what I’m thankful for. It’s becoming more of a habit, but sometimes I still find myself slipping back. Just like when we were little and learning to walk or ride our bikes or skate, we didn’t just start doing it perfectly the first time. We fell then got up then fell again and got up, over and over again. Learning to walk as a Christian is much harder, and we can only do it right as we walk close with Jesus, keeping our focus on Him. That brings me back to 2 Corinthians 10:5. Bringing every thought captive to Jesus requires constant focus on Him. We constantly ask Him what He thinks about this or to show us what He thinks about whatever we’re thinking about.
LikeLiked by 1 person