Living in the Past

I have a bad habit you guys. (Don’t we all?)

I don’t know about you but I have a really bad tendency to focus on my past. My regrets. My heartache. My disappointments. My failures. You get the picture. I find myself wallowing in what could have been, in what I should have done or said. But what’s the point?

Why do we do that? Why do we look at our failures and mistakes and live in them? What’s that going to do? Absolutely nothing except make us miserable and depressed.

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It’s hard to forget the past sometimes. I get it. I have so many regrets. We all do. But I have to believe I wouldn’t be where I am today without those regrets. I have learned from those mistakes. And it’s made me a better person. Does that make sense?

Read what Paul has to say in Philippians 3:13-14, “No dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it but I focus on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.”

When we become Christians, our new life begins! We shouldn’t be looking to our past!

Paul reminds us of this in 2 Corinthians 5:17,

“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”

Don’t let your past define you. It’s not who you are. You are much more than your past mistakes. You are a child of God and you are LOVED!

Satan LOVES to drudge up whatever he can to make us miserable. Don’t let him.

Don’t allow Satan to rob you of your future by making you live in your past.

Intermittent Fasting: Thoughts?

I have decided to try intermittent fasting to try to lose weight. If you’ve never heard of it, check out this link:

I’m looking at different ways to do the fast, such as the 16/8 method where you have a window of time to eat (8 hours) and then you fast the other 16. So if I was to try this method, I would eat between the hours of noon to 8PM and then fast from 8PM to noon. This method is probably the easiest since you are asleep for a majority of the 16 hour fast.

My weight has reached a number that I am NOT happy with. I haven’t been happy for the longest time.

My medications (at least 4 of them) cause weight gain so losing this weight is not going to be easy but I’m going to give it my all. I didn’t put the weight on overnight and it’s not going to come off overnight, you know?

How about you all?

Have you tried this?

How has it helped you?

The Single Life

I have been single since 2008 (wow, 12 years?) I haven’t even gone out on a date.

(eh, don’t feel sorry for me! I’ve embraced the single life and I’m content. If God chooses to send someone my way, then okay! But if decides I am to remain single then so be it.)

As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7, “So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows–its better to stay unmarried, just as I am.”(1Corinthians 7:8, NLT)

Paul was saying that it’s better to remain single because of the opportunities it provides to serve Christ with no distractions.

I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.

1 Corinthians 7:32-35

Not being married, I’m able to do things without the distraction of a husband and children and taking care of them. I can devote more time to serving the Lord.

I am 37 and I’m single. 10 years ago this would have bothered me. But as I grow closer to the Lord I have realized that I don’t need anyone BUT God.

12 years ago I was in a relationship that didn’t end well. He essentially broke up with me because of my bipolar disorder. He said he couldn’t handle it anymore. I remember looking at him and crying, “You don’t have to handle this. I have to deal with this the rest of my life. I just need you to BE there for me.”

Nope, he ran. But you know what I said? Fine. And I moved on without him. I haven’t had a relationship since.  Honestly, I have moments, small moments when I wonder if I’ll ever find someone but then I spend time with God and it all goes away. I am content being single. God fills that void.

If I’m being honest, I will say this: I am very self-conscious about my appearance. See, I have very bad dental problems due to my medications causing tooth decay. Fibromyalgia also contributes to my dental problems Half my teeth are falling out. Therefore, I don’t smile much and when I do it’s a closed mouth smile. (One benefit from wearing a mask these days, LOL) If something makes me laugh I cover my mouth with my hand. I WILL NOT take pictures anymore because I just can’t stand to look at myself. I have to get dentures but I can’t afford them since I don’t have a job or dental insurance. (Anyone wanna start a GoFundMe page? I’m KIDDING!)

I think that’s the biggest reason why I don’t put myself out there and try to find someone.

I’ve accepted that this is how I am, this is how I look and everything else doesn’t matter.

GOD is all I need and I’m going to spend as much time with Him as I can and in the meantime, if He has someone planned for me, and I meet him, then so be it! But I’m not looking actively for anyone because I want God first in my life. Maybe I’ll be single forever, like Paul was. Maybe I’m not meant to have a significant other because it’ll be a distraction for me. And as we all know, I get distracted pretty easily. (Stupid ADD)

I will say this again: God has great plans for me….for YOU….for everyone! If only we would stop, be still and listen to His voice. He’s calling for you and for me……NOTHING can change God’s love for you. 🙂

In Person or On Paper?

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Okay so I am not the best when it comes to confrontation. I tend to avoid it like the plague. I just hate it. I get all flustered and red faced, my anger rears it ugly side. And I don’t know about you but my anger seems to be hardwired to my tear ducts. Seriously! The minute I get super frustrated or angry, here come the waterworks!! Dude, seriously…stop. So if you ever see me bawling my eyes out….it’s probably because I’m angry not sad. LOL

SOOO…with that said I have a question for you all. To avoid confrontation and to hopefully diffuse a situation before it gets worse, would you rather write them a letter?

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I am the type of person who expresses my feelings much better through the written word. When I’m forced to have a super serious talk in person, I clam up, I get flustered and turn all red in the face. (Plus it doesn’t help that in the past couple of years I’ve developed this…..I have no idea what to call it…..a tic when speaking? When I am talking, sometimes it’s as if my brain and my mouth have decided to stop communicating and I get flustered and my voice “catches?” on a certain word…. Y’ALL I CANNOT EXPLAIN IT! I don’t understand how to describe it but it’s just annoying as heck. )

So let me ask you all….how do you deal with confrontation? Especially if you, like me, are an introvert and can’t stand confrontation?

Also, could you share some bible verses or quotes that help a person get through confrontational times?

On Paper?

In Person?

What Will Following Christ Cost You?

In my devotions I’m reading about the cost of following Jesus.

In Luke 14:25-33 it says,

A large crowd was following Jesus. He turned around and said to them, “If you want to be my disciple, you must, by comparison, hate everyone else—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple. “But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you. They would say, ‘There’s the person who started that building and couldn’t afford to finish it!’ “Or what king would go to war against another king without first sitting down with his counselors to discuss whether his army of 10,000 could defeat the 20,000 soldiers marching against him? And if he can’t, he will send a delegation to discuss terms of peace while the enemy is still far away. So you cannot become my disciple without giving up everything you own.

Luke 14:25-33

Counting the Cost

Before I got serious about Christ, I always had an issue with the verse talking about hating our parents, our family, etc…To me it just didn’t make sense that Christ would ask us to do that. How was I to hate my family? I mean…it’s my family!

However, as I started studying and really getting to know the Lord, and after discussions with others…it dawned on me. Jesus isn’t calling us to literally hate our loved ones. No, He’s just asking that our love for them and even our own life not compete with devotion to Him.

He’s asking to be #1. Our ONLY #1. No competition, no battling it out. Following Jesus requires complete dedication.

So what does it cost to follow Jesus?


“So you cannot become my disciple without giving up everything you own.” (Luke 14:33 NLT)


Discipleship is about following Christ and making new disciples. It’s about being invested in following the Great Commission that Jesus set before us. We as Christians are called to make more disciples, to build relationships with others and teach them the Word of God  and what it says.

Discipleship is about growing in the Lord and having a close relationship with Him all the while teaching others how to have the same type of relationship.

Discipleship is about carrying on the ministry of Jesus Christ.

Bearing Our Cross

Jesus tells us we must pick up our own cross and follow him daily. Not just when we feel like it. Not just when the time is right. But daily. As in, all the time. Every single day.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?

Matthew 16:24-26 (NIV)

Will following Jesus be hard? Absolutely.

Will it be worth it? Totally.

This Edition of Writer’s Block Just. Won’t. Leave.

Okay, so do y’all remember that song that went like this:

“This is the song that doesn’t end.
Yes, it goes on and on, my friends.
Some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…”

and then the song would repeat over and over for as long as you felt like singing it or until someone smacked you upside the head for singing it.

It got stuck in your head just now, hasn’t it? My apologies. LOL

But I’m suffering from the worst case of writer’s block and that’s kind of how it feels. The writer’s block just doesn’t end. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends….

Writing used to be fun for me. It used to be a part of me.

And now it seems as if I’ve lost it. I’ve lost that piece of me that would write until my heart was content. I’ve lost that drive to write. I used to be able to knock out page after page of words. The words would just flow right on out.

When I was in high school, it was nothing for me to escape to my room after school and just bang out poem after poem. I don’t know how I did it, I just did.

I would LOVE to go back to that time…

As I’ve gotten older and as I’ve developed that dreaded “brain fog” that comes with the fibromyalgia and bipolar, I have discovered that my writing, to me that is, has become a useless mess of meaningless words.

I literally cannot think of what to write when my brain fog is kicking in full gear. I’ll sit at the computer or with a pen in hand and will attempt to write something clever, something that will catch my reader’s attention and…..nothing.

Writing has become a chore. It’s no longer fun for me and that hurts. I need it back. I need that part of me that would write to escape the realities of this world. (And with 2020 being the nuisance that it is, being able to escape would be GREAT!)

I know what some of you are going to say….”You’re overthinking it” (which is definitely possible, LOL) or “You’re trying too hard.” (again, a possibility.)


This edition of writer’s block just won’t go away. LOL

My Struggle with Anger/Bitterness

26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

Ephesians 4:26-27

I have a confession to make.

I’m human. I make mistakes. I allow things to irritate the mess out of me to the point of anger and bitterness.

The Bible makes it clear that there is a righteous anger but there is also a sinful anger. And lately that’s been the anger that’s been trying to control me.

30 And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.

Ephesians 4:30

Lately God has been convicting me of my attitude towards a certain person, who, by the way, is not a believer. This makes the relationship between the two of us even worse because of my poor attitude towards them.

I feel guilty when I start becoming bitter towards this person because I know that’s not how I should be living. I’m not portraying Christ with this attitude.

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Ephesians 4:31-32

Who am I that I should be acting this way? In the book of James, he tell us:

19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20 Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. 21 So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.

James 1:19-21

Instead of reacting to this person’s attitude towards me, I should be living in such a way for Christ that this person sees the difference God has made in my life. I need to be WITNESSING to the person, for crying out loud. Instead I’m harboring ill will towards this person.

If I’m proclaiming Jesus is Lord, maybe I should think about how to represent Jesus well, in my work, in my family, with my friends and how I live my life.

Kira Murillo

*Reblog*The Unique Struggles of Being a Writer with Bipolar Disorder — Speaking Bipolar

Oh.My.Goodness. YES! This is exactly what goes on when I’m trying to write!

Having bipolar disorder makes everything an adventure. Being a writer is no different. Read the three phases of being a writer with bipolar disorder. The post The Unique Struggles of Being a Writer with Bipolar Disorder appeared first on Speaking Bipolar.

The Unique Struggles of Being a Writer with Bipolar Disorder — Speaking Bipolar

I Ran Out of That Grave!

“Glorious Day” by Kristian Stanfill/Passion is so amazing. I LOVE this song.

I was buried beneath my shame. But in God’s loving grace and mercy, He CALLED OUT TO ME and I RAN OUT OF THAT GRAVE!

No longer am I held back by my guilt and shame. No longer am I a lost sinner! I am a CHILD OF GOD and I am FREE!

All of us want our mistakes to be hidden. We want our past to be….our past! However, according to Kyle Idleman in his book Grace is Greater, “To fully embrace God’s grace is to fully embrace our own NEED for that grace.”

We must own up to our mistakes and realize that God’s grace covers it all! We are HIS children now and nothing, I repeat, nothing can separate us from Him.

38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39

I was buried beneath my shame
Who could carry that kind of weight?
It was my tomb
‘Til I met You

I was breathing, but not alive
All my failures I tried to hide
It was my tomb
‘Til I met You

You called my name
Then I ran out of that grave
Out of the darkness
Into Your glorious day
You called my name
And I ran out of that grave
Out of the darkness
Into Your glorious day

Now Your mercy has saved my soul
Now Your freedom is all that I know
The old made new
Jesus, when I met You, whoa, what a day

When you called my name
And I ran out of that grave
Out of the darkness
Into Your glorious day
You called my name
Then I ran out of that grave
Out of the darkness
Into Your glorious day

I needed rescue
My sin was heavy
But chains break at the weight of Your glory
I needed shelter
I was an orphan
But You call me a citizen of Heaven
When I was broken
You were my healing
Now Your love is the air that I’m breathing
I have a future
My eyes are open

‘Cause when you called my name
I ran out of that grave
Out of the darkness
Into Your glorious day
You called my name
And I ran out of that grave
Out of the darkness
Into Your glorious day

Kristian Stanfill/Passion, “Glorious Day”

We Have Hope

And now dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

A friend of mine’s father passed away from complications of COVID last night. He was a believer so we know that He has met Jesus face to face! It’s really sad, as death always is, but at the same time we can rejoice knowing he is Heaven with his Savior.

I was listening to a song by Big Daddy Weave called “I Know.” I’ve shared some of the lyrics here before but I feel led to share them again.

Big Daddy Weave, “I Know.”

You don’t answer all my questions
But You hear me when I speak
You don’t keep my heart from breakin’
But when it does, You weep with me

You’re so close that I can feel You
When I’ve lost the words to pray
And though my eyes have never seen You
I’ve seen enough to say

I know that You are good
I know that You are kind
I know that You are so much more
Than what I leave behind
I know that I am loved
I know that I am safe
‘Cause even in the fire, to live is Christ, to die is gain
I know that You are good

Death is inevitable. We know this. But if we are believers, if we have the Lord on our side, if He is our Savior, we can rest assure that we will see him face to face one day.

‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Revelation 21:4

Please pray for the Sexton family as they grieve their loss.