Lack of Self Control

Like many people, I struggle with self control. Especially when it comes to my eating habits. And my anger issues. And with so many other things.

I hit a weight on the scale yesterday that has been haunting me all day. I blame it on my multiple medications that cause weight gain but who am I kidding? It’s all on ME.

An old friend from college introduced me to a book called “Your Future Self Will Thank You: Secrets to Self-Control from the Bible and Brain Science” by Drew Dyck. I downloaded the sample onto my kindle and it sounds really good!

“by far the best use of willpower is to use it to initiate healthy patterns of behavior. We need to invest it in good habits.”

Drew Dyck


Why can’t I control my anger? Or stop overeating? Or wasting time online?

Why can’t I seem to finish my projects? Or make progress in my spiritual life?

Why do I fall for the same stupid temptations over and over again?

When we fail, its easy to make excuses or blame our circumstances. But let’s face it: the biggest enemy is usually the one staring back at us from the mirror every morning.

We lack self-control.

Self-control isn’t very popular these days. We tend to think of it as boring, confining, the cop that shows up and shuts down the party. But the truth is that people who cultivate this vital virtue lead freer, happier, and more meaningful lives. After all, our bad habits—from the slight to the serious—bring a host of painful consequences. Ultimately, they keep us from becoming the people God created us to be.

Your Future Self Will Thank You is a compassionate and humorous guide to breaking bad habits and growing your willpower. It explores Scripture’s teachings on how to live a disciplined life while offering practical strategies for growth based on the science of self-control. Whether you want to deepen your spiritual life, conquer an addiction, or kick your nail-biting habit, this book will help you get motivated, stay on track, and achieve your goals.

Sure, self-control is hard, but it doesn’t have to be that hard. Get the help you need to be freer, happier, and more productive. Your future self will thank you!

Photo by Olya Kobruseva on

I constantly tell myself, “I’ll start tomorrow.” or “I really need that second brownie.” or “I’ll start exercising tomorrow.” It’s a struggle that I KNOW others deal with on a day to day basis.

So how do we change these thoughts? How do we change the guilt we face when we give in to our temptations?

Yet year after year, I continue to struggle with the same stupid, stubborn sins. I’m caught in my own civil war between the good I want to do and the sinful impulses holding me back

Drew Dyck

Well….I’m about to find out…I can’t wait to dive into this book and learn how to practice self control.

Has anyone read this book? What did you think?

Knowing vs Doing

If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.

James 4:17 (NIV)

Show of hands, please! How many of y’all struggle with knowing the right thing to do but end up not doing it in the end…or at least waited too long?? I’m raising my hand too, don’t worry. I’m guilty. Totally.

I KNOW I need to get my oil changed. But just knowing it needs to be done and not actually getting it done are two totally different things. The longer I wait, the more damage I’m doing by not getting it taken care of in a timely manner.

I KNOW I need to start exercising and eating healthier. But just knowing I need to and not actually doing it is not going to help me lose the weight I so desperately need to lose. Just sitting and THINKING I need to lose weight is not going to actually help me lose the weight. (though I wish it would!)

I KNOW I need to plan my life better but knowing it and continuing my regular day to day schedule without changing a thing will get me nowhere.

Did you know it’s a sin to know the good you ought to do and then not do it?

Now, I know what you are thinking….those examples I mentioned aren’t sins necessarily. I’m just trying to say that knowing something needs to be done and actually doing said thing are two different things.

But seriously, it tells us in James 4 that it is a sin to know the good you must do but do not actually do it. I feel this is talking about having head knowledge of Christianity and all Jesus has to offer but fail to live it out day to day. They KNOW what they should be doing but aren’t DOING anything about it.

According to theologian Albert Barnes, “If he understands what his duty is; if he has the means of doing good to others; if by his name, his influence, his wealth, he can promote a good cause; if he can, consistently with other duties, relieve the distressed, the poor, the prisoner, the oppressed; if he can send the gospel to other lands, or can wipe away the tear of the mourner; if he has talents by which he can lift a voice that shall be heard in favor of temperance, chastity, liberty, and religion, he is under obligations to do it: and if, by indolence, or avarice, or selfishness, or the dread of the loss of popularity, he does not do it, he is guilty of sin before God.

Another commentary I came across mentions that “James knows that it is far easier to think about and talk about humility and dependence on God than it is to live it. Yet he makes the mind of God plain: as we know these things, we are accountable to do them.

I came across this really great website called “What Christians Want to Know” and I found an article entitled “With Great Spiritual Knowledge Comes Great Responsibility” by Robert Driskell. Check it out!

There are many people, especially in America, who possess knowledge about God, but have never applied that knowledge to their lives.

Having grown up in a “Christian” nation, possibly in a “Christian” household they think that simply knowing about God is the same as knowing God.

An intellectual assent to a truth is not the same as allowing that truth to change the way you live.

Robert Driskell

Once we come to know Christ, we are, we SHOULD be on fire for the Lord. We should be telling the world about the God who saved us. The God, the ONLY God, sent His Son to die a death that WE deserved. He took our place, out of the unmeasurable love that He has and took the nails and the crown of thorns OF US! I don’t know about you but I can’t fathom a love so great that someone would die in my place.

I really encourage you all to take a minute to read the article by Robert Driskell. He makes some very good points!

Investing in Our God Giving Talent

I came across this book at work yesterday called “You Are The Girl For The Job: Daring To Believe the God Who Calls You” by Jess Connolly. I read the synopsis and plan on getting it soon. Check it out!

It’s tough when your gifts and passions are stuck in holding patterns of insecurity, shame, and comparison. But the truth is, every experience of your life has prepared you to live out your God-given purpose in this exact moment. The world is hurting and our lives are waiting, we don’t have time to stay stuck–we’ve got to make a move. 

You Are the Girl for the Job is not an empty catchphrase. It’s the straight-up truth God has proclaimed over your life from the beginning. It’s not a statement about your capacity, but rather about His–and that’s why we can dare to believe it’s true.

For as long as I can remember I’ve had a love for writing. Sure, I’ve fallen away from actually writing for the past several months (oh who am I kidding, the past several YEARS!) but the LOVE of it was always behind that little nagging voice in the back of my head screaming at me to start writing again.

When I came across this book my eyes were open to the fact that writing is, in fact, what I feel called by the Lord to do. I need to stop giving up when things get tough. I need to start focusing on using the talent God gave me!

I remembered the parable of the 3 servants and it really made me stop and think. If I keep going the direction opposite of what the Lord wants from me, I will be ignoring and squandering my talent.

I know without a doubt that writing is my talent (even though I struggle sooo hard with my inner critic…you know….the voice telling me “it’s not good enough…”

Well….NOT TODAY Satan, NOT Today! You’ve done enough.

I think my problem is that even when I don’t realize it, I’m comparing myself to other writers. I’ll read their work and think to myself, “Now why can’t you write like THAT??” (this too is ALSO Satan’s annoying voice.)

God have given everyone something they are good at, even if they don’t realize it. Some do realize it and toss it away anyways. Some realize and USE IT FOR BAD! And some realize it and HONOR THE LORD!

Parable of the Three Servants

14 “Again, the Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a man going on a long trip. He called together his servants and entrusted his money to them while he was gone. 15 He gave five bags of silver[b] to one, two bags of silver to another, and one bag of silver to the last—dividing it in proportion to their abilities. He then left on his trip.

16 “The servant who received the five bags of silver began to invest the money and earned five more. 17 The servant with two bags of silver also went to work and earned two more. 18 But the servant who received the one bag of silver dug a hole in the ground and hid the master’s money.

19 “After a long time their master returned from his trip and called them to give an account of how they had used his money. 20 The servant to whom he had entrusted the five bags of silver came forward with five more and said, ‘Master, you gave me five bags of silver to invest, and I have earned five more.’

21 “The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together![c]

22 “The servant who had received the two bags of silver came forward and said, ‘Master, you gave me two bags of silver to invest, and I have earned two more.’

23 “The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’

24 “Then the servant with the one bag of silver came and said, ‘Master, I knew you were a harsh man, harvesting crops you didn’t plant and gathering crops you didn’t cultivate. 25 I was afraid I would lose your money, so I hid it in the earth. Look, here is your money back.’

26 “But the master replied, ‘You wicked and lazy servant! If you knew I harvested crops I didn’t plant and gathered crops I didn’t cultivate, 27 why didn’t you deposit my money in the bank? At least I could have gotten some interest on it.’

28 “Then he ordered, ‘Take the money from this servant, and give it to the one with the ten bags of silver. 29 To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away. 30 Now throw this useless servant into outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

What is your talent? Are you investing in it?

Why Do YOU blog?

I’ve been trying to come up with a good reason why I am so inconsistent with posting but I’ve got nothing. I guess it’s because I’ve completely run out of ideas. I decided to go back through old posts to see if anything would trigger some fresh ideas. I came across a couple of posts from 2018 about what my intentions of this blog were.

3 years later and I’m still struggling.

I’m overthinking this. I have to be. I’m trying too hard. That’s got to be it.

My problem is that I get on a roll for awhile, posting 2-3 times a week, sometimes more. Then the dry spell comes and I end up not posting for several months. Something has got to change. I WANT to be more consistent. But I let life’s worries take over.

Original Post: February 2018

So I have always loved to write. Ever since the 4th grade when we were asked to write about what we wanted to be when we grew up and it was then that I just fell in love with writing.

But here I am, years and years later, with nothing to show for myself. And it’s my fault, I know this. I let myself fall out of love with writing. For years I didn’t write a single thing.

But last year, the Lord prompted me to start writing again. And so I decided to wipe the “dust” from my old WordPress site and revamp it.

But y’all….I’m struggling again. And I think it’s because I’m trying too hard. My mind is blank. Writer’s block has struck again. 😦

I want so badly to fall in love with writing again.

Original Post: May 2018

I want this blog to succeed. I really do. I want others to read it and come to know Christ as their personal Savior.

Or do I? Am I really blogging for Christ? Or am I blogging for myself and my glory?

I’m trying too hard to be something I’m not. Lately, it seems I’m trying too hard to bring glory to myself and not to God. I’m doing it without even realizing it.

Well God got my attention.

In my devotions this morning, I came across this quote from Mark Batterson

If you aren’t willing to listen to EVERYTHING God has to say, you eventually won’t hear ANYTHING He has to say.

That really got me to thinking. Am I truly listening to God when it comes to this blog? Am I listening to His still, small voice and waiting for HIS guidance on how to run this blog? Or am I only listening to bits and pieces?

Well that won’t work. I can’t just listen to the bits and pieces. I must listen to EVERYTHING God has to say.

I also realize that if I truly want to be a successful blogger, I must be committed. I can’t be halfhearted. Do I truly want this? Is blogging something I really want to do? I must decide this. More importantly, is blogging something GOD wants me to do? THAT is the question I must answer.

With my chronic illness, however, there will be days I can’t get on here. Which is why I must start blogging as much as I can on days I’m feeling my best. I’m not exactly feeling my best today but I’m fighting through the pain and through the brain fog to get this post out. Don’t get me wrong….I’m not trying to use my illness as an excuse. I’m just being realistic.

Basically it comes down to this: WHY do I blog? Am I blogging for Christ? Or am I blogging for myself?

Tell me, why do YOU blog?

How did you get into blogging?

That Pesky Thorn…

…therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. FOR WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN I AM STRONG

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

I’ve no doubt that my mental illness is my “thorn in my flesh.” The depression, the anxiety, the mood swings….all of it.

I posted about my “thorn” a few years ago and decided to “reblog” it, if you will. This “thorn” is what keeps me close to the Lord. Don’t get me wrong, I have my bad days. I have days where Satan tries his level best to get me to turn from the Lord. And sometimes I come so close to listening to his lies.

Not today, Satan. Not today.

Original Post: November 2017

Is this the result of some unconfessed sin in my life? No, I don’t believe so. Could God heal me completely? Absolutely? But do I think He will? No, I don’t think so. This is my “thorn in the flesh.” God is using my mental illness to draw me closer to Him. He’s trying to tell me that His grace is sufficient.

Unfortunately, there are people out there who believe mental illnesses are the result of a lack of faith or some unconfessed sin. I do not hold this stance.

Why is there such a stigma regarding mental illness in the church? Why are people so afraid of it? Tell me, is having a mental illness any different from a physical illness?

When a person is suffering from diabetes, people have no problem with that person seeing a doctor and being treated for that particular problem. But when a person is diagnosed with a mental illness, there must be unconfessed sin. Either that or the person’s faith is not strong enough.

I had someone tell me that once. When they heard that I was bipolar they actually looked me in the eye and said that my faith wasn’t strong enough. Basically I needed to “pray it away.”

MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES DO NOT DISCRIMINATE! It CAN and DOES happen to every day people. People who are strong in their faith. People who are weak in their faith. People who don’t HAVE faith. It does not matter!

I know for a fact that Jesus loves me unconditionally. Meaning, he loves me despite my flaws, despite my health issues. He loves me.

Do I believe that I could wake up tomorrow completely healed from all my health ailments? Absolutely! But I also believe God uses these things to draw people closer to Him. And that is what He is doing with me.


I Say I’m Fine…But I’m Not…(Truth Be Told)

Everyone struggles in life. It’s unfortunate and it really stinks. Yet for some reason some people struggle more than others. And for the life of me, I just don’t understand! I don’t understand why some people deal with more pain, with more heartache than others.

I’m going to be honest.

I’m not where I need to be spiritually. I’ve been fooling myself into thinking I am where I need to be. I’ve been going through the motions, pretending I’m okay when I’m not.

But trust me, I’m being convicted. God isn’t letting go of me. I feel Satan’s pull but God hasn’t let go. And I know He WON’T let go. But sometimes I let go. Sometimes I let go and feel myself being pulled in the wrong direction. God isn’t letting go of me, I have started letting go of Him little by little.

I don’t have it all together right now. But I will soon. God’s not finished with me yet.

Lie number one: You’re supposed to have it all together
And when they ask how you’re doin’, just smile and tell them, “Never better”
Lie number two: Everybody’s life is perfect except yours
So keep your messes and your wounds and your secrets safe with you behind closed doors

But truth be told
The truth is rarely told, no…

I say, “I’m fine, yeah, I’m fine, oh, I’m fine, hey, I’m fine”
But I’m not, I’m broken
And when it’s out of control I say it’s under control
But it’s not and You know it
I don’t know why it’s so hard to admit it
When bein’ honest is the only way to fix it
There’s no failure, no fall
There’s no sin You don’t already know
So let the truth be told

Matthew West “Truth Be Told”

Work in Progress

Y’ALL! It’s been such a long time and I am so sorry! Life has a way of charging in and taking over.

This is just a post to inform you all that I am FINE! I’ve been under the curse of writer’s block. (again….) This time was the worst its been in awhile!

I will be working on some posts for the future and hope to be back on here more frequently!