Posted in mental illness

When I’m In A Depressed State….

This is what it’s like in my head when I’m going through a depressed state. When I’m not mentally where I should be. I haven’t been this dark in quite some time, thank God! I just wanted to share what a depressed state feels like in my brain.

It’s a dark, dark feeling that just engulfs a person. I know that with me it’s a place where no one knows who I am or who I could be. The depression sinks me, it pulls me down and there seems to be no way to pull me out. It consumes me, consumes my thoughts. Week upon week I struggle with who I want to be and not being able to obtain it.

It flies past me, that dream I have.

Gone, it’s gone. I’ll never catch up. So what’s the point anymore. I’m stuck, stuck in the quicksand, it’s pulling me down, down, down. I can’t free myself.

Why can’t I do it? Why can’t I reach that dream, that calling I thought I had but now I’m not so sure.

My physical health is bad, my mental health is worse. I’m exhausted, mentally and physically.

I’m tired, so tired of being sick and tired.

No one wants to believe I have all these health issues. To them, I’m weak and need to just push through.

Who is this girl? I don’t recognize her.

Kelly Clarkson, “Dark Side”

There’s a place that I know
It’s not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away

Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody’s got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody’s a picture perfect
But we’re worth it
You know that we’re worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?