Stepping Out in Faith

 

A fellow blogger is taking a step towards a goal of his: writing his first novel. He will be the first to admit he doesn’t know the first thing about writing a novel. But the words, the story, it’s all in his head and he knows he must get them out. I admire that.

I’ve wanted to be a writer since the 4th grade. We were asked to write a short essay on what we wanted to be when we grew up. I knew right away I wanted to be a writer. I used to write all kinds of short stories about bunnies and other barnyard animals, I’m sure.

But somewhere along the way I let my dream fade away. I still wrote from time to time, poems mostly,  but I never actively sought out how to make a career out of writing.  Writing, which once was a huge passion of mine, sort of dwindled away. And I let it.

I tried to write from time to time but eventually writer’s block kicked in and I let it stay.

Until now. I’m refusing to let it stay any longer. I’m dusting off the cobwebs of ideas in my head and am FINALLY going to get serious about this writing thing.

Writing is really the only thing I really know how to do semi well. 🙂 🙂

So pray for me? Pray I can find the inspiration needed to take this journey?

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

 

Self involved

I finally admitted to my mom today that I realized I can be self involved. I’ve never opened up like this before and of course the tears started flowing.

I think I’ve known I can be self involved for quite some time now but was just in denial. I mean, c’mon who wants to admit a flaw like this? But God has been working in my heart and has made me realize I need to stop focusing on myself and start focusing on others.

It’s not easy to open up like this. I don’t like feeling like this, feeling vulnerable. I don’t want others to see me like this. But God has spoken to me and it’s time I addressed this flaw.

Hi, my name is Leigh and I am self involved. I think of myself first. I tend to think of others only after I am comfortable myself. Do I mean to do this? No!! I don’t mean to be self involved! I don’t WANT to be self involved. This is going to be hard to overcome at first but by the grace of God I will overcome this flaw.

I only have one request of all of you who read this blog: please pray for me that I can stop focusing on myself and allow God to work in me.

Pet Peeve…

One thing I absolutely cannot tolerate is disrespect.

There is a situation going on in my life right now that I don’t want to discuss but the LEVEL of disrespect shown by this person towards another family member has reached an all time low. And it breaks my heart for this family member being disrespected. She doesn’t deserve to be treated this way, not when she has shown nothing but compassion and hospitality.

It triggers my anger to see her treated this way.

I do have an anger problem. I am currently in counseling for it, as a matter of a fact. I realized my need for anger management a few months ago after an explosive situation. It scared me and I knew I needed help.

But I get so angry at certain things and situations in my life. I must learn to control this anger though.

Tonight’s sermon hit me hard.  We have been studying Ephesians for the past few months and tonight’s lesson was on Ephesians 4:25-32. And in verse 26 it says “In your anger do not sin, Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

Now I know that there is what is called “righteous anger.” My question is…..is my anger about the level of disrespect “righteous?” Or am I TOO angry? I already have problems with this person so maybe I’m just using this disrespect issue as another reason to avoid them and want nothing to do with them.

Sometimes I feel like a failure as a Christian. I realize I need to show this person love and compassion but for some reason I just can’t quite seem to jump that hurdle. And it eats me up daily because I know this is not how God would treat this person.  It’s not how I need to be, as a Christian.

Why can’t I seem to let this go?? Guess that’s why I’m in therapy, huh? It’s a Christian therapist so I don’t have to worry about being steered in the wrong direction, this much I know.

I could use a lot of prayer right now so if you think about it stop and say a little prayer for me.

This anger problem is holding me back from truly being the person God created me to be. I know this for sure. And I want to be the person God created me to be. I want to truly be free!