Why Is It So Hard?

I have all but lost my desire for writing. Now that I’m back to work, it seems I have let my writing fall by the wayside. After I get home from work I’m in so much pain from standing all day that I have no interest in writing.

I’m going to be honest with you all for a moment…..I’m struggling. With life, with my relationship with God, with just about everything. I haven’t lost my faith. I still believe but I’m finding it hard to set aside time to spend with God.

I’m human. We all are. We have flaws and always will. But what happens when you lose your desire for God? Why is it so hard to follow Him? I see others who are so devoted to God and have a deep relationship with Him and I wonder why I can’t seem to find that sort of relationship. I know it’s available, I know it’s there. I thought I used to have it.  Maybe I never have.

I feel like a fraud. This blog is supposed to be me telling others about Christ and His love for us. And here I am, struggling. I’ve abandoned my blog in recent weeks.

I know we all struggle. As long as we are on this earth we will struggle from time to time.

I do know that God is still working in me. As I write this, I’m listening to Mandisa’s song, Unfinished. If you haven’t heard it I definitely advise you to check it out. Here’s some of the lyrics,

Not scared to say it
I used to be the one
Preaching it to you
That you could overcome
I still believe it
But it ain’t easy

‘Cause that world I painted
Where things just all work out
It started changing
And I started having doubts
And it got me so down

But I picked myself back up
And I started telling me
No, my God’s not done
Making me a masterpiece
He’s still working on me

He started something good
And I’m gonna believe it
He started something good
And He’s gonna complete it
So I’ll celebrate the truth
His work in me ain’t through
I’m just unfinished
I’m just unfinished
So I’ll celebrate the truth
His work in me ain’t through
I’m just unfinished

I know God is not finished with me yet.  And I know if you are struggling right now, like I am, that God isn’t finished with you yet either. Keep your head up and focused on Him.

That’s what I am doing.

But why is it so hard???

Here is another song that is speaking to me right now. It’s called Need You Now by Plumb. Such a powerful song!

Well, everybody’s got a story to tell
And everybody’s got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there’s beauty here
‘Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on
I can’t let go, I can’t move on
I want to believe there’s meaning here

How many times have you heard me cry out
“God please take this”?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn’t plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I’m trying to hear that still small voice
I’m trying to hear above the noise

How many times have you heard me cry out
God please take this?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

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I don’t know where you are right now in your walk with God, whether you’re struggling, as I am right now, or if things are going great for you right now but just remember this: God is not finished with you and has great plans for you.

I honestly believe this though I’m struggling right now.

I just wish it wasn’t so hard.

More Than Anything

I heard this song the other day on KLOVE and while I’ve heard it before, this time I really listened to the words. And boy did they speak to me! How many times have I been so selfish and only thought of me, of what I can gain from something. This song has special meaning and I encourage you to check it out!

I’ve included the lyric video down below so you can take a listen .

More Than Anything
by Natalie Grant

I know if you wanted to you could wave your hand
Spare me this heartache and change your plan
And I know any second you could take my pain away
But even if you don’t I pray

Help me want the Healer more than the healing
Help me want the Savior more than the saving
Help me want the Giver more than the giving
Help me want you Jesus more than anything

You know more than anyone that my flesh is weak
And you know I’d give anything for a remedy
And I’ll ask a thousand more times to set me free today
Oh but even if you don’t I pray

Help me want the Healer more than the healing
Help me want the Savior more than the saving
Help me want the Giver more than the giving
Oh Help me want you Jesus more than anything

When I’m desperate and my hearts overcome
All that I need you’ve already done
When I’m desperate and my hearts overcome
All that I need you’ve already done

Oh Jesus Help me want you more than anything

Help me want the Healer more than the healing
Help me want the Savior more than the saving
Help me want the Giver more than the giving
Help me want you Jesus more than anything
Help me want you Jesus more than anything 

 

If We Are The Body….

This song by Casting Crowns has been on my mind the past couple of days. My church, which has been open 65 years, will be closing soon and we will be relaunching as a new church with a new name. The building we are currently in is beyond repair. It will cost way too much to fix and it’s just not worth putting all that money into it anymore.

It’s been bittersweet to think about this church closing, because I’ve been there since I was 4,  but as I’ve been reminded, it’s just a building! Where we meet doesn’t matter because WE are the church. We are the body.

We need to be reaching out to others. The hurting and the lost. They need Jesus. We are called to be a light in this world, to show people Jesus.

1 Corinthians 12:27 tells us,

²⁷ Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

 

Casting Crowns

It’s crowded in worship today
As she slips in trying to fade into the faces
The girls teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know

But if we are the body
Why aren’t His arms reaching?
Why aren’t His hands healing?
Why aren’t His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren’t His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way, there is a way

A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat and quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances
Tells him that his chances are better out on the road

But if we are the body
Why aren’t His arms reaching?
Why aren’t His hands healing?
Why aren’t His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren’t His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?

Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come

And we are the body of Christ
But if we are the body
Why aren’t His arms reaching?
Why aren’t His hands healing?
Why aren’t His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren’t His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
Jesus is the way
Jesus is the way
we are His hands
We are His feet
We are His body
Jesus is the way

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_7j1SMuTN0

Live Like That

“Live Like That” Sidewalk Prophets

Sometimes I think
What will people say of me
When I’m only just a memory
When I’m home where my soul belongs

Was I love
When no one else would show up
Was I Jesus to the least of those
Was my worship more than just a song

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You

This song has such a great message. I encourage you to check it out if you haven’t heard it.

I always wonder if I’m living for Jesus the way I should be. The line in the song, “Was my worship more than just a song” really gets to me because sometimes we can get so wrapped up in the emotions that we forget about what really matters.

Am I doing what Jesus has called me to do? Am I living a life pleasing to Him? Does my heart break for what breaks His?

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on us. We fail. Hardships arise. Do people still Jesus in us when these things happen?

I hope people see Jesus in me wherever I go, in whatever I do.

We should always be ready to give an answer to the hope that is in us. 🙂 I know I mentioned this verse just the other day but it’s important!

But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect

I Peter 3:15

 

 

 

True Identity

I absolutely love this song by Matthew West. Boy, he has great songs! This one in particular speaks to me because I am prone to self-pity, regret and shame (aren’t we all?) But in reality I am a child of the King! My past doesn’t define me. Once I surrendered everything to the Lord, I became a new creation! Once I accepted his perfect gift of salvation, I became His child. THAT is my true identity!

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come

Galatians 2:20

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Matthew West-Hello My Name Is

Hello, my name is regret
I’m pretty sure we have met
Every single day of your life
I’m the whisper inside
Won’t let you forget

Hello, my name is defeat
I know you recognize me
Just when you think you can win
I’ll drag you right back down again
‘Til you’ve lost all belief

These are the voices,
these are the lies
And I have believed them,
for the very last time

Hello, my name is child of the one true king
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free
Amazing grace is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true king

I am no longer defined
By all the wreckage behind
The one who makes all things new
Has proven it’s true
Just take a look at my life

Hello, my name is child of the one true king
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free
Amazing grace is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true king

What a love the Father has lavished upon us
That we should be called his children
I am a child of the one true King

What a love the Father has lavished upon us
That we should be called his children

Hello, my name is child of the one true king
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free
Amazing grace is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true king

I am a child of the one true king

“In my weakness, You are strong!”

All of us have weaknesses. It’s a part of being human. We’re going to slip up. It’s inevitable. Satan has a way of throwing our weaknesses in our face just when we least expect it, just when we think we have everything under control. He’s that sneaky. (What a jerk, am I right?)

But isn’t it great that we serve a God who is STRONG! We serve a God who accepts us for who we are, weaknesses and all. He loves us that much!

Grace wins in the end. Just putting that out there.

I thought I had a particular weakness under control until Satan decided to throw it in my face recently, causing me to stumble, reminding me how weak I truly am. I took my eyes off the Lord for just a second. For ONE second! That’s all it took! And now that weakness is threatening to consume me. That one second caused me to stumble, falling flat on my face.

But I’m reminded of the words by Mandisa in her song “Overcomer:”

You’re an overcomer
Stay in the fight ’til the final round
You’re not going under
‘Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it’s hopeless
That’s when he reminds you
That you’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer

Don’t quit, don’t give in
You’re an overcomer

As long as we live on this earth, we’re going to have to face our weaknesses and all the shame it may bring us. But praise Jesus, one day we will be made new in Him. One day we will be perfect and complete. And Satan will no longer be around to throw our weaknesses in our face, to laugh at us when we stumble and fall flat on our face.

We just have to keep fighting our battles until then. We have to keep our eyes on Christ. He will never cause us to stumble. But when Satan comes back around, and you know He will, if you stumble….just fall into the arms of Jesus. He overcame death on the cross so that we can overcome our weaknesses.

Good Morning!

It’s a good morning!
Wake up to a brand new day
This morning,
I’m stepping, I’m stepping, stepping on my way
Good morning,
You give me strength,
You give me just what I need
And I can feel the hope that’s rising in me.
It’s a good morning

Mandisa, “Good Morning”

Good morning y’all! I’ve been up since 5 and normally I’d be grumpy because I’m totally not a morning person but today feels different! It’s going to be a great day!

Oh don’t get me wrong, I’m still completely exhausted but after spending time in God’s Word I’ve determined that today will be a good day!

I came across these 2 verses today in Colossians that really spoke to me:

For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves. In whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Colossians 1:13-14

Wow. Powerful stuff right there. We are redeemed! If we know Christ, if we have invited Him into our lives, we are REDEEMED! We have been RESCUED from the darkness we lived in. He took our place and he bore all of our sins on the cross. He was rejected and despised for our sake. That’s how great his love is for all of us.

It makes me think of this verse in John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

That’s what Christ did for us! He laid his life down for us. He proved His love to US, it’s time we show that love to Him and others.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

I want my life to show God’s love to everyone I meet. I don’t know if you’ve heard of the group for King and Country but there is a song they sing called “The Proof of Your Love” that really speaks to me.

So let my life be the proof,
The proof of your love
Let my love look like You and what You’re made of
How You lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof,
The proof of Your love

for King and Country, “The Proof of Your Love”

I am constantly asking myself this question, “Do people see Jesus in me?” When I am out and about, do people see Jesus in the way I act?

 

Love Broke Thru

But you loved me enough to pursue me.

TobyMac, “Love Broke Thru”

I was a hot mess before I came to know Christ. Aren’t we all?

Before I experienced His love, I hated life. I was depressed, full of darkness.

But the Lord loves me so much that he continued to pursue me despite all the times I tried to flee from Him. But guess what? We CAN’T flee from Him, no matter how hard we try. He’s everywhere!

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

Psalm 139:7-8

He is everywhere we go! It does no good trying to run from Him. He loves you too much to let you go.

I was driving down the road this morning when the song “Love Broke Thru” by TobyMac came on. I love this song.  It reminds me of God’s great love and how He broke my chains of darkness when He came into my life. He gave me light to replace the darkness that was engulfing me.  His love broke thru my stubbornness, my hardheadedness and my darkness. His love saved me.

He loves you! His love can save you as well!

TobyMac-Love Broke Thru

When love broke thru
You found me in the darkness
Wanderin’ thru the desert
I was a hopeless fool
Now I’m hopelessly devoted
My chains are broken
And it all began with You
When love broke thru
And it all began with You
When love broke thru

Have Thine Own Way, Lord

We sing this hymn a lot in my church and sometimes I think we just mindlessly sing it without truly receiving the message. I know I’ve been guilty of it. But if you truly listen to the lyrics, they’re beautiful. And powerful.

God knows exactly what’s best for us and in His time we will receive it. We must trust Him completely. He will never fail us. He will never leave us, nor forsake us. We can rest in his promises because they are true and never failing. He will never break His promise.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.”

Isaiah 40:29

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future

Jeremiah 29:11

All we have to do is trust in Him. He WILL take care of us. 🙂

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Jim Reeves

Have Thine own way Lord
Have Thine own way
Thou art the potter I am the clay
Mold me and make me after Thy will
While I am waiting yielded and still

Have Thine own way Lord
Have Thine own way
Search me and try me Master today
Whiter than snow Lord wash me just now
As in Thy presence humbly I bow

Have Thine own way Lord
Have Thine own way
Hold over my being absolute sway
Filled with Thy spirit till all can see
Christ only always living in me

The Struggle is Real….

I’ve been struggling with my writing again as of late. I know the writing is IN me but I can’t get it OUT. All of you fellow writers can probably agree you’ve been in this situation before.

The dreaded writer’s block has struck again.

And it’s frustrating because I want so badly to write, to get my words out there, whether on screen or on paper.

Maybe my motives are all wrong. Am I writing for the right reasons? Am I writing for God? Because ultimately it’s about God.

Maybe I’m trying too hard. Maybe I just need to take a step back and figure out where I’m trying to go with my writing. Who am I trying to honor with my writing? Am I just trying to bring the glory to myself or am I honestly wanting to bring it to God?

To be honest, I think I already know the answer. But I don’t want it to be that way. Not anymore. I don’t want it to be about me anymore.

Real…my heart is aching to be real….

Point of Grace, “Fight”

I want to bring glory to God with my writing. I honestly do.  Colossians 3:23 tells us “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”

In 1 Corinthians 10:31 it says “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

So right now…at this very instant…I’m giving this writing struggle over to God. If writing is what I am called to do then He will show me and give the words to write. I want my words to mean something. I don’t want my words to become empty.

This song seems appropriate right now. I know I’ve posted it before but I feel the need to share it again.

 

“Fight”
Point of Grace

How clever is my pride, how it deceives my mind
To think I am in control when I have really lost it all
How brilliant is my greed for what it says I need
And then I’ve come to find I’m empty on the inside

Real, my heart is aching to be real
So I am coming to You

All my broken motives, all my selfish dreams
All of my foolishness now I understand where it leads
I wanna be in Your love, I wanna be so much more
I know You’re reaching out so what am I fighting You for
So what am I fighting You for

How quick is my doubt to leave my heart without
The presence of Your peace so that I scarce believe
How pardoned is my guilt to crush the life You built
And to keep me far away from any kind of shame

Real, my heart is aching to be real
So I am coming to You

All my broken motives, all my selfish dreams
All of my foolishness now I understand where it leads
I wanna be in Your love, I wanna be so much more
I know You’re reaching out so what am I fighting You for

‘Cause only You can save me
And only You can change me
And only You can love me
Here I come, here I come
So I come to You

All my broken motives, all my selfish dreams
All of my foolishness ’cause I understand where it leads
I wanna be in Your love, I wanna be so much more
I know You’re reaching out so what am I fighting You

All my broken motives, all my selfish dreams
All of my foolishness now I understand where it leads
I wanna be in Your love, I wanna be so much more
I know You’re reaching out I don’t wanna fight anymore

I don’t wanna fight anymore
I don’t wanna fight anymore
I don’t wanna fight anymore
I don’t wanna fight