I Don’t Feel Like Writing….

…but I’m going to anyway!

It’s been a long time! I haven’t been on here much throughout this whole quarantined life we have going on. (How are you all doing, by the way? Staying safe I hope!)

I can’t believe I haven’t been taking advantage of all this free time to write!

But the problem is this: I just haven’t felt like writing lately! I’m not in a bad place mentally, in fact I’m doing so much better. I just go through ruts where writing just doesn’t sound appealing.

But tonight I’m going to force myself to write and see what comes of it.

For as long as I can remember, writing has always been there for me. I could sit down and pop out poem after poem in a matter of minutes. Then it stopped. I stopped. And I let the years waste away when I could have been writing.

I came across this quote that I have since printed out and taped above my desk:

If you want to write, you can.

Fear stops most people from writing, not lack of talent.

Who am I? What right have I to speak? Who will listen to me?

You are a human being with a unique story to tell.

You have every right.

—Richard Rhodes

I think, no I KNOW, that fear is keeping me from writing. So that is what I need to get past. I need to get past the fear that I’m not worth it. Past the fear that cripples me. Past the fear that I’m not good enough.

Remember a couple of years ago when I told you all that I was going to write a book? Yeah, I definitely let that fall by the wayside. I let fear win. I let my problems get in the way.

You know, I can’t go any further until I tell you that “Breakaway” by Kelly Clarkson (LOVE HER!) literally JUST started playing and I had to laugh. What a perfect song to be playing when I’m talking about my fear of writing.

Just take a look at the lyrics!

I’ll spread my wings, and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I’ll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget all the ones that I love
I’ll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Coincidence? I don’t think so! 🙂

What is it that is holding you up in life? What is that one thing you know you’re meant to be doing but are letting fear take the reigns…

I’ve let fear of not being good enough take the reigns for far too long.

I’ve always been told to “write what you know” but I always respond with “I don’t know what I know!”

And it’s time I start figuring out “what I know!” No more “I don’t know”

Writer’s Block Strikes Again

I’ve been wanting to write the last several days and yet when I attempt it, nothing. At all. Nothing comes out. The dreaded writer’s block strikes again.

Maybe my problem is that I don’t know what I want to write. LOL

Writing can be so therapeutic. Being able to lose yourself in a story can be so much fun.

But I have no ideas in my head. There. Are. No. Ideas.

Help!!!!

All you writers out there….what do you do when writer’s block hits?

 

 

Writing Through the Doubt

My good friend Stephen over at Fractured Faith Blog has inspired me to write about doubt and how to handle it. Read his post, My Desert of Doubt

We all have our dealings with doubt. It’s inevitable. We’re humans. We’re going to doubt. So how do we handle it? What do we do with it? Well, we can allow it to consume us, sending us into a pit of despair or we can hand it over to the Lord who can comfort us and give us peace about our situation.

My writing lately is not coming together like I’d like it too. I’ve put the book I want to write on the back burner for now. With me being back at work, it’s a struggle to come home and sit down and write. I’m hurting from standing all day and my brain just doesn’t want to produce anything, lol.

But most of all, the doubt I have as to whether or not I can be a writer takes over and I fall victim to its prey. Who wants to read my words? Who am I kidding? My writings aren’t that good. These are just several thoughts that race through my brain when I finally do sit down to try to write something, to try and produce something worth reading.

Doubt can consume you if you let it. And sometimes, before I even realize it, I’ve let it. Satan really knows how to attack each one of us by using our weaknesses against us.

So what’s the best remedy for dealing with our doubt? Turn it over to the Father who knows about our struggles and wants to shower us with His love. We may not know what the future holds for us and that can be scary but the Lord knows and He wants to help guide us to what He has created us to be.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

 

 

“Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho…

….it’s off to work I go.”

Well, not for another hour but since I have time I thought I’d write a blog post.

I haven’t been doing much writing lately. Oh, I’ve been writing on here but I haven’t been working on any other projects. Everything has been sitting on the back burner as I try to figure out what to write.

I’ve been distracted as of late. I have been spending too much time on social media. Plus, I come home from work exhausted and not wanting to write. (Stupid fibromyalgia and brain fog)

When I was in the 4th grade we were asked to write about what we wanted to be when we grew up. My little 9 year old self immediately put pencil to paper and wrote. Then it dawned on me. I wanted to be a writer! (I sure wish I had kept that essay.)

Writing was so much fun for me as I grew up. In high school, I started writing poetry and even had a couple of them published in anthologies, which my mom of course bought and they are now sitting in our living room.

But soon, my writing sort of hit a plateau. Writing just wasn’t fun for me anymore. And I didn’t understand why.

Of course, it was around this time that I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I was 17. Then about 5 years later I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I hated life, you guys. I hated it so much. I started writing again but it was dark stuff. Stuff I’d never share with anyone. In fact, I believe I’ve thrown it away.

I found Jesus through all of this and while I still struggle with my rollercoaster of emotions, I know that Jesus is with me and will get me through it all. I feel as God has called me to write. It’s been a passion of mine since I was 9 years old. I may have lost my way along the years but I know that if I turn my concerns over to Him, He will get me through this. 🙂

How do you write through the frustrations of writer’s block?

 

 

 

Research, Research, Research

I’m currently in the research stage of writing this book. Let me tell you….it’s hard work! I was a little afraid I wouldn’t be able to find much on being a bipolar Christian but I have found TONS of information that has been a huge help to me.

Mental health and Christianity CAN coexist! I, as well as many others, are living proof of this! Mental illness should be treated just like a physical illness. The brain is an organ and it can fail too! This is what people need to realize!

I’ve borrowed many books from the library on writing my first book. I need to know the “ins and outs” of how to write a book. I need to know what to expect when I start this process. It’s going to be lengthy, I am well aware of this fact.

I found a book called “The Business of Being a Writer” by Jane Friedmann that I can’t wait to start!

I’ve also found a couple of books that are similar to the type of book I want to write. It’ll help me get a feel of how to outline the book and how to start.

I’m very excited about starting this new journey. So as I journey into this new adventure please continue to pray for me!

 

What Does Writing Mean To You?

When I was in the 4th grade, we were given an assignment. That assignment was to write about what we wanted to be when we grew up. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I liked to write and therefore I wanted to be a writer!

However, as the years went by I stopped writing. It no longer held the same excitement for me anymore. I grew tired of it for some reason.

In my junior and senior years, I got back into it and started writing tons of poetry. Page after page of poetry. In my senior year of high school, I fell into a deep depression and when I wrote, it was dark. Page after page of hate filled rants. I wasn’t a Christian at the time so my writing was very depressing.

I still suffer from depression, even as a Christian, but with God on my side, my writing has taken a turn for the better! My writing is light and full of, mostly, positive things. And even now, as the words struggle to come out, I know God is with me.

Writing can be very therapeutic if you let it. Just sit down and let the words flow. Sometimes it will be hard. Sometimes the words just won’t flow. But I’ve learned to give it to God.

Right now the words aren’t flowing for me, lol. I keep getting distracted and my mind is drawing a blank on what to write about.

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I’m currently in South Carolina visiting my sister and her family for the week. My sister recently received a job promotion and is now living in South Carolina and working in North Carolina.

I may not be on here nearly as much while I’m down here but I will try to check in as much as I can.

 

 

 

 

The Struggle is Real….

I’ve been struggling with my writing again as of late. I know the writing is IN me but I can’t get it OUT. All of you fellow writers can probably agree you’ve been in this situation before.

The dreaded writer’s block has struck again.

And it’s frustrating because I want so badly to write, to get my words out there, whether on screen or on paper.

Maybe my motives are all wrong. Am I writing for the right reasons? Am I writing for God? Because ultimately it’s about God.

Maybe I’m trying too hard. Maybe I just need to take a step back and figure out where I’m trying to go with my writing. Who am I trying to honor with my writing? Am I just trying to bring the glory to myself or am I honestly wanting to bring it to God?

To be honest, I think I already know the answer. But I don’t want it to be that way. Not anymore. I don’t want it to be about me anymore.

Real…my heart is aching to be real….

Point of Grace, “Fight”

I want to bring glory to God with my writing. I honestly do.  Colossians 3:23 tells us “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”

In 1 Corinthians 10:31 it says “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

So right now…at this very instant…I’m giving this writing struggle over to God. If writing is what I am called to do then He will show me and give the words to write. I want my words to mean something. I don’t want my words to become empty.

This song seems appropriate right now. I know I’ve posted it before but I feel the need to share it again.

 

“Fight”
Point of Grace

How clever is my pride, how it deceives my mind
To think I am in control when I have really lost it all
How brilliant is my greed for what it says I need
And then I’ve come to find I’m empty on the inside

Real, my heart is aching to be real
So I am coming to You

All my broken motives, all my selfish dreams
All of my foolishness now I understand where it leads
I wanna be in Your love, I wanna be so much more
I know You’re reaching out so what am I fighting You for
So what am I fighting You for

How quick is my doubt to leave my heart without
The presence of Your peace so that I scarce believe
How pardoned is my guilt to crush the life You built
And to keep me far away from any kind of shame

Real, my heart is aching to be real
So I am coming to You

All my broken motives, all my selfish dreams
All of my foolishness now I understand where it leads
I wanna be in Your love, I wanna be so much more
I know You’re reaching out so what am I fighting You for

‘Cause only You can save me
And only You can change me
And only You can love me
Here I come, here I come
So I come to You

All my broken motives, all my selfish dreams
All of my foolishness ’cause I understand where it leads
I wanna be in Your love, I wanna be so much more
I know You’re reaching out so what am I fighting You

All my broken motives, all my selfish dreams
All of my foolishness now I understand where it leads
I wanna be in Your love, I wanna be so much more
I know You’re reaching out I don’t wanna fight anymore

I don’t wanna fight anymore
I don’t wanna fight anymore
I don’t wanna fight anymore
I don’t wanna fight

Just keep writing!

The inspiration for my writing is slowly but surely returning. I’m still having bouts of writer’s block but I just write through it. 🙂

Just keep writing, Just keep writing…. 🙂

I’ve been going to a local coffee shop and the words have slowly been coming to me.

I’ve been praying that the Lord will give me the right words to write. I want my writing to glorify Him and Him alone.

I just love to write.

So here I am, at my local coffee shop, once again, getting ready to pound out some writing in my lovely Google Docs. I’m writing whatever pops in my head and later I’ll go back and edit and do some copy and pasting, lol.

The Lord brought this verse to my attention the other day:

Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin….

Zechariah 4:10

I may feel discouraged that my writing is not taking off like I wish it would but this verse reminds me that the Lord rejoices in the fact that I’m working on it! I’m slowly beginning the process and that makes Him happy. 🙂

 

What hobbies do you have that just make you extremely happy when you’re doing it?

Trying too Hard

Hey y’all!

So I have always loved to write. Ever since the 4th grade when we were asked to write about what we wanted to be when we grew up and it was then that I just fell in love with writing.

But here I am, years and years later, with nothing to show for myself. And it’s my fault, I know this. I let myself fall out of love with writing. For years I didn’t write a single thing.

But last year, the Lord prompted me to start writing again. And so I decided to wipe the “dust” from my old WordPress site and revamp it.

But y’all….I’m struggling again. And I think it’s because I’m trying too hard. My mind is blank. Writer’s block has struck again. 😦

I want so badly to fall in love with writing again.

Do any of my fellow writers out there have any tips for me?

Random Thoughts…..

I’m not 100% sure but I think I have a kidney stone. Wanna know the ironic thing? I’ve been drinking less and less of soda lately. Soda is my downfall but after learning I was prediabetic I have seriously cut back on my soda intake.

I used to get kidney stones frequently so I am very familiar with the pain. Currently I have a heating pad on my left side with the hopes of lessening the pain. Heat really helps. Now I just need to chug more water to flush it out!

I’ve been very irritable the past couple of days. Very restless and antsy and just downright emotional. It’s one big rollercoaster of emotions. My psychiatrist has upped my dosage of Abilify to 15mg a day so we’ll see if that helps my moods any. I sure hope so because I hate this feeling.

I finished Goliath Must Fall and it was great! I am now looking for my next book to read. It’s a toss-up between One Way Love by Tullian Tchividjian (grandson of Billy Graham) and Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I’m eventually going to read both but I just can’t decide which one to read first, LOL.  Has anyone read either of these books? What did you think?

Mom is doing well! She got her staples removed on Tuesday! The doctor was very impressed with how she’s doing. She’s well ahead of where she should be. Well that’s no wonder……this wasn’t her first rodeo with knee replacement. This was her 3rd surgery on that left knee! She’s been through this many times before. She knows the drill! LOL

I think I know what I want to write about in my first book. I don’t have much information yet but I want to write about being a bipolar Christian. Doesn’t that sound like an oxymoron? 🙂 I need to do extensive research so it’s going to take some time for this book to come into existence but I am very excited about starting this. It should be very interesting. 🙂

 

 

How about you all? How’s your day going?