Posted in adhd, anxiety, depression, Faith, fibromyalgia, worry

Fibro Fog

If you or a loved one suffers from fibromyalgia then you are aware of one of the more debilitating symptoms: the dreaded fibro fog. According to MedicineNet.com, fibro fog is:

 A type of cognitive dysfunction reported by many people with fibromyalgia. Also sometimes referred to as brain fog, its symptoms include difficulty with concentration, memory deficits, and confusion.

It can be very frustrating and I know for me it leads to depression.  For me, I will have moments where I will be talking and will completely forget what I was trying to say. I will stop mid sentence therefore making me look and feel pretty dumb.  My memory is terrible and I have the absolute worst time concentrating.  (Since I also have ADHD, the concentration problem can be worse at times)

I often have trouble recalling certain words when talking or even writing. Simple words for every day things. Words I never used to have trouble remembering.

(Funnily enough, I’m having trouble right now trying to get this blog post written.)

The combination of my struggles with the fibro fog and the insecurities it brings really puts a damper on things. I want to be positive, want to have confidence but the struggle is so very real.

I googled some verses on insecurity and came across several that have been very comforting:

7 But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart     I Samuel 16:7

I struggle with my looks quite a bit and reading this verse really helps me to put things into perspective.

Some more verses I came across

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.    Philippians 4:6-9

These verses give me comfort because I know that by placing my trust in Him I can overcome any struggle I run into. I need not worry because He is right there beside me as I go through my insecurities and doubts.

Fibro fog may not be curable but with God’s help I can get through the frustrations it brings. And when I struggle with finding the right word, God is still right there beside me helping me to get through the difficulties.

Posted in fibromyalgia

Fibro Fog

Fibro fog – also known as fibromyalgia fog and brain fog – is a term commonly used for the cognitive difficulties that can occur with fibromyalgia.

Fibro fog can manifest itself in different ways in different people but some of the most common symptoms include:

  • short-term memory loss
  • misplacing objects
  • becoming easily distracted
  • forgetting plans
  • difficulty carrying on conversations
  • inability to remember new information

Lately my fibro fog has gotten worse. I think a trip to my doctor is in the future to see if there is anything that can be done. I’ve read that certain medications can help. As much as I don’t want to be on another medication, if it will help with this fibro fog then I’m all for it!

I have such a hard time remembering words. I forget things constantly. My memory is just plain awful. It’s really annoying, actually. I’m only 35 years old for crying out loud.

I don’t say all of this to get your pity but rather your prayers! I want so badly to memorize Scripture to help me when I’m feeling down and depressed about all of this. But my brain just won’t let me. I can remember bits and pieces of Scripture but not the entire verse.

So you guys, pray for me as I struggle with this stupid fibro fog.  I am determined to not let it bring me down any longer.

Posted in adhd, bipolar, disability, medications, mental disorders

Denied

I checked the Social Security website yesterday to check on the status of my disability case and it said a medical decision had been made. However, it didn’t tell me whether it was approved or denied. I guess that’s what will be in the letter they send me. I decided to call my lawyer today and he looked into it and I found out that I was denied.

My lawyer said once they get the paperwork in to see WHY I was denied they will work on possibly starting the appeal.

I am so beyond frustrated. The tears came immediately and I just sat down, head in my hands, confused and angry.

I know you all have been praying for me so I just wanted to update y’all.

*sigh*

 

Posted in adhd, bible verses, bipolar, disability, fibromyalgia, mental disorders

Strong Enough

I hate being bipolar. I hate having ADHD. I struggle constantly with rambling thoughts, racing through my mind. I’m restless, constantly. I can’t focus on a given task for longer than a few minutes. I get distracted and will start several tasks, not finishing them because I get bored and move on to something else. Having fibromyalgia doesn’t help either. I live in a constant state of restlessness, chronic fatigue and pain, and irritability.

Honestly? I’m exhausted. It’s exhausting living like this.

But I know without a doubt that my God is with me through all of this. He is with me in the pain, in the irritability. He is with me through all my rambling thoughts. He is with me as I struggle to pray because I can’t focus long enough. He knows the words I am trying to say.

It’s been almost 3 weeks since my disability hearing. I haven’t heard anything yet. I know it can take a while so I just have to learn to be patient, which let’s face it, is NOT a strong suit of mine. But God is with me.

God is with me even now as I struggle to write this, as I force myself, with great difficulty, to get this blog post finished. The words just won’t come.

God is with me in the good days and the bad ones.

God is with me wherever I go.

Some verses that comfort me when I’m feeling this way:

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:28 (NLT)

 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (NIV)

 

I took a break from writing this and turned on some music and the song “Strong Enough” by Matthew West came on. I find it fitting. 🙂

Strong Enough

Matthew West

You must
You must think I’m strong
To give me what I’m going through
Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I’m wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up
I’m not strong enough
Hands of mercy won’t you cover me
Lord right now I’m asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us
Yeah
Well, maybe
Maybe that’s the point
To reach the point of giving up
‘Cause when I’m finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that’s when I start looking up
And reaching out
I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up
I’m not strong enough
Hands of mercy won’t you cover me
Lord right now I’m asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken
Down to nothing
But I’m still holding on to the one thing
You are God and
You are strong when
I am weak
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don’t have to be
I don’t have to be strong enough
Strong enough
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don’t have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Oh, yeah
I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up
I’m not strong enough
Hands of mercy won’t you cover me
Lord right now I’m asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Strong enough

Posted in fibromyalgia

My Battle with Fibromyalgia

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Most of you know that I struggle with fibromyalgia, a chronic illness that causes widespread body pain, fatigue and cognitive difficulties (“fibro fog”)

So what CAUSES fibromyalgia? Doctors don’t know for sure what exactly causes it but do believe a number of factors play a role:

  • Genetics
  • Infections (like mono which I contracted in college. The Epstein Barr Virus, which causes mono,  stays in a person’s system for the rest of their life but .)
  • physical or emotional trauma (like the seizure I had which resulted in me breaking my collarbone)

Common Symptoms:

  • widespread pain
  • jaw pain and stiffness
  • stiff joints and muscles in the morning
  • headaches
  • irregular sleep patterns
  • irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)
  • difficulties with memory and concentration, known as “fibro-fog”
  • fatigue

They are so many more symptoms. Not every person who has fibromyalgia deals with the same symptoms as someone else. It varies from person to person, which is why I believe it’s so hard to diagnose.

Researchers believe repeated nerve stimulation causes the brains of people with fibromyalgia to change. This change involves an abnormal increase in levels of certain chemicals in the brain that signal pain (neurotransmitters). In addition, the brain’s pain receptors seem to develop a sort of memory of the pain and become more sensitive, meaning they can overreact to pain signals.

—-Mayo Clinic

It’s a daily struggle, that’s for sure.

For anyone who has a chronic illness, some days can be just plain awful. Once in a while we’ll have a good day but I know for me, that after that “good day” the next few are bad. And why? Well for me,and probably most people, it’s because we did too much on that “good day.” We did more than we should have

I’ve been struggling with fibromyalgia since around 2008 when I was living in Nashville, TN. My doctors there were ruling out other illnesses and trying to come up with a plan when I had to abruptly move back home to Norfolk, VA.  So as I tried to  transfer my medical records to a doctor here, I discovered the doctor I chose didn’t believe in fibromyalgia and told me it was all in my head.

Photo by Marc Schäfer on Unsplash

The doctor after that told me the same thing. I couldn’t find a doctor who would believe me. It was all in my head according to them! Until 2016. This doctor finally believed me! He told me that fibromyalgia was indeed a real illness. I am currently being treated by him. He’s a great doctor who takes the time to listen to his patients. He genuinely cares for his patients.  I told him that if he ever left to start his own practice, I would be following him. LOL

I think my biggest frustration with fibromyalgia, besides the body pain and fatigue, is the memory issues. I have the worst memory. I get words mixed up and half the time can’t remember what I was trying to say. It’s so annoying. That’s why sometimes I go for days without a blog post because the words just won’t come or they get mixed up and I just get so frustrated that I don’t write.

(Maybe I should write through the frustration! It’s a thought! I’ll have to give it a try!)

I don’t understand why I must have fibromyalgia and all these other health problems (bipolar disorder, ADHD, PCOS, anxiety, depression) but I know that God is in control and will help me fight these battles.  Perhaps He’s allowing me to go through this so that I may grow closer to Him, reaching out to Him always. To learn to depend on Him always.

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you

I Peter 5:7

 

 

 

 

Posted in adhd, bipolar, fibromyalgia, mental disorders

A Few Thoughts…

I’d like to take the time to share something that’s been on my heart the past few days. I am currently down with the stomach bug so between binge watching Netflix and reading I’ve been doing some thinking. It’s more of a rant so I’m warning you now. I just need to get this off my chest.

Most of you know that I struggle with fibromyalgia, a chronic illness that causes widespread body pain, fatigue and cognitive difficulties (“fibro fog”) I also suffer from bipolar disorder, ADHD, PCOS, anxiety and depression.

I physically and mentally CANNOT work at this present time. I have applied for disability and have a hearing next Wednesday, June 27th. My lawyer thinks I have a very good chance at winning due to all my health issues.

However, most people look at me and think I’m just being lazy and think I just don’t want to work.

“Change your mindset” they tell me. “You’ll feel better”

It’s not about my “mindset.” I physically cannot work. Don’t you think I WANT to be able to work and provide for myself? Don’t you think I feel ashamed that I can’t provide for myself? That I can’t help out more around the house? It’s downright embarrassing.

You know what though? I shouldn’t feel ashamed about any of this. I have health problems. I didn’t ask for them.

I want people to know how badly it hurts when I’m called lazy.

It’s not laziness. I just wish I could get people to understand this.

The pain is real, folks. And words hurt.

 

Posted in fibromyalgia, Reblog

*Reblog* Guilty of Being Chronically Ill

I came across this blog post today by Brainless Blogger and found it to be soooo true! I suffer from a chronic illness as well and find myself feeling this way a lot.

Yes, I am guilty of being ill. And we can feel this guilt acutely. When: We don’t perform to our standards When we don’t perform to what we think society’s standards are When we don’t perform to other’s standards When we cancel plans When we miss work When people try and tell us it is […]

via Guilty of being chronically ill — Brainless Blogger

Posted in fibromyalgia

Tendonitis

I went to my doctor yesterday to see about getting some relief for my knees. I have been dealing with a quite a bit of pain in both knees for the past 6 months or so. I finally decided I needed to see my doctor and see about getting into therapy or something.

I have tendonitis in both knees! So he’s given me meds to help with the inflammation and pain and referred me to physical therapy for the time being. Unfortunately, I discovered that my insurance doesn’t cover physical therapy so I need to call my doctor back and see what I’m supposed to do. I have some exercises that I can do at home but I know my doctor was hoping for me to get to an actual therapist.

If after 3 months I’m still having pain then my doctor is going to order an MRI and possibly give me cortisone shots. I’ve had cortisone shots before in my shoulder and in my right knee so I know what to expect with that.

Please pray that we can figure out a way for me to get physical therapy because I know it will definitely help the knees! I’m going to do some therapy of my own but I would much rather have a therapist to keep me accountable! LOL

 

Posted in fibromyalgia

Fibro Flare

Image result for fibro flare upWell I’m having a bit of a bad day. I’ve been feeling sick since last Wednesday and now it’s triggered a fibro flare up. It’s rainy and dreary here which doesn’t help matters much. My knees are in constant pain and I just feel yucky. I realize yucky isn’t necessarily a word but that’s how I feel.

want to write but I cant seem to find the energy to write.

Hopefully this flare up won’t last too long. It can last a few days but it’s been known to last a week or two. I’m hoping this isn’t the case.

The problem I have is that people tend to view me as lazy when I spend the entire day doing nothing but they just don’t understand!

Image result for fibro flare up

Posted in bipolar, christianity, Faith, fear, fibromyalgia, love, mental disorders

Time

See the source imageOn Sunday nights at my church we have been going through Ephesians. This particular translation is in the English Standard Version. I don’t know what version you are more comfortable with but this particular version helps me understand it better.

We need to be careful with how we live our lives, especially in this day and age. We must make good use of our time. Time is running out! Jesus is coming back soon and we must be sure we are living godly lives!

How have you been spending your time? What version of the Bible do you prefer?





See the source imageI’ve been struggling these past couple of days. I’ve been having issues with my fibromyalgia and my bipolar disorder. I’m having a major flare up with the fibro and been having racing thoughts to the point where I can’t really focus on anything for more than a few minutes.  It’s quite frustrating. So if it seems like I’m not acting like myself, this is why.  I’d appreciate any prayers y’all might lift up for me.