Why Is It So Hard?

I have all but lost my desire for writing. Now that I’m back to work, it seems I have let my writing fall by the wayside. After I get home from work I’m in so much pain from standing all day that I have no interest in writing.

I’m going to be honest with you all for a moment…..I’m struggling. With life, with my relationship with God, with just about everything. I haven’t lost my faith. I still believe but I’m finding it hard to set aside time to spend with God.

I’m human. We all are. We have flaws and always will. But what happens when you lose your desire for God? Why is it so hard to follow Him? I see others who are so devoted to God and have a deep relationship with Him and I wonder why I can’t seem to find that sort of relationship. I know it’s available, I know it’s there. I thought I used to have it.  Maybe I never have.

I feel like a fraud. This blog is supposed to be me telling others about Christ and His love for us. And here I am, struggling. I’ve abandoned my blog in recent weeks.

I know we all struggle. As long as we are on this earth we will struggle from time to time.

I do know that God is still working in me. As I write this, I’m listening to Mandisa’s song, Unfinished. If you haven’t heard it I definitely advise you to check it out. Here’s some of the lyrics,

Not scared to say it
I used to be the one
Preaching it to you
That you could overcome
I still believe it
But it ain’t easy

‘Cause that world I painted
Where things just all work out
It started changing
And I started having doubts
And it got me so down

But I picked myself back up
And I started telling me
No, my God’s not done
Making me a masterpiece
He’s still working on me

He started something good
And I’m gonna believe it
He started something good
And He’s gonna complete it
So I’ll celebrate the truth
His work in me ain’t through
I’m just unfinished
I’m just unfinished
So I’ll celebrate the truth
His work in me ain’t through
I’m just unfinished

I know God is not finished with me yet.  And I know if you are struggling right now, like I am, that God isn’t finished with you yet either. Keep your head up and focused on Him.

That’s what I am doing.

But why is it so hard???

Here is another song that is speaking to me right now. It’s called Need You Now by Plumb. Such a powerful song!

Well, everybody’s got a story to tell
And everybody’s got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there’s beauty here
‘Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on
I can’t let go, I can’t move on
I want to believe there’s meaning here

How many times have you heard me cry out
“God please take this”?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn’t plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I’m trying to hear that still small voice
I’m trying to hear above the noise

How many times have you heard me cry out
God please take this?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

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I don’t know where you are right now in your walk with God, whether you’re struggling, as I am right now, or if things are going great for you right now but just remember this: God is not finished with you and has great plans for you.

I honestly believe this though I’m struggling right now.

I just wish it wasn’t so hard.

Are You There?

My youngest nephew is 6 years old. He and I have a close bond. I don’t plan on having children of my own so Tripp is my “baby.”

Whenever he comes by our house, one of the first things he does is come barreling into my room to find me. Then we play or watch basketball (He’s a Tar Heels fan just like his auntie)  and just have a great time together.

Well yesterday when my sister dropped him off with my mom, I wasn’t home. I had ridden somewhere with my aunt and so my car was home so naturally Tripp assumed I was home! Well, he comes inside and starts looking for me and when he realized I wasn’t there he burst into tears. He’s never done something like that before. But he was just looking for his “EE”(my nickname, lol) and I wasn’t there. It really upset him.

It got me to thinking. Do we search diligently for the Lord?

What’s awesome is that the Lord is ALWAYS with us so we don’t have to burst into tears when it seems we can’t find Him. Sometimes it feels like He’s not there but we just need to stop, get quiet and listen to His gentle whisper, “I’m here, my child. Take rest in me.”

 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:13