Posted in random

Patience

I’m at mom’s physical therapy appointment waiting for her to finish and I’m so bored. I brought my Nook to read but I’m just not in the reading mood at the moment. So why not write a blog post from my phone? 😊

Waiting has never been my favorite thing. My patience is very low and I get annoyed with the whole waiting game. It’s not something I’m proud of and I’m trying to learn how to have more patience but I WILL NOT pray for patience. That’s the one thing I will not do. Because I honestly believe patience is extremely tested when it’s prayed for. And I’m already tested enough, lol.

How about you? Do you or have you ever prayed for patience?

Posted in fibromyalgia, mental disorders

Fibromyalgia 101

Image result for fibromyalgiaImage result for fibromyalgia memes  In December of 2016 I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Doctor after doctor kept telling me it was all in my head and that I was just depressed but I kept pressing the matter until finally my new PCP finally believed me and agreed that it was fibromyalgia

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Let me tell you. It’s a frustrating illness to say the least. Most people think that because they can’t “see” the illness then I must be faking to get attention. Other people think I’m just being lazy. It’s hurtful and unfair . I want to bring more awareness to this chronic illness. So  here is a list of some of the many problems people with fibromyalgia face:

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Fibro Fog

Due to “fibro fog”, people with fibromyalgia tend to forget words, even in the middle of talking. I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me and it can be quite embarrassing.

I have the worst memory ever. I can forget a conversation I have had with someone only moments later.

 

Pain

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This is a given. Pain is the number one symptom of fibromyalgia. I am 34 but sometimes (okay, all the time….) feel like an 85-year-old getting out of bed! Morning stiffness is the worst. There are days it takes me quite a bit of time just to get out of the bed. Then once my feet hit the floor I’m in pain because my feet ache, my knees are killing me and I just want to crawl back into bed. (I could so easily fall back into my depression because of this but I haven’t yet. Praise the Lord!)

Fatigue

Image result for fibromyalgia memesI am not exaggerating when I say I’m tired ALL THE TIME! It doesn’t matter how much sleep I get….I wake up tired. I go to bed tired. I’m always tired. 

I guess what I want people to know is that fibromyalgia is REAL! It exists and it hurts to hear “Oh you’re just lazy.” “Oh, you just want attention.” And here’s my favorite: “But you don’t LOOK sick!” To which one day I WILL respond “Yeah and you don’t LOOK stupid but here we are….(Okay I probably will never say that…..it’s just not in my nature to be mean like that.)

I never asked for this and I don’t understand why I have to suffer through it but by God’s grace I will keep on moving forward day by day.

Image result for he is my strength and portion

Posted in random

Sick

I haven’t been feeling too well the past couple of days and this morning I woke up with my head pounding…..stuffy AND runny nose (seriously, make up your mind, nose) and overall yuckiness. It’s sinuses, I’m almost sure of it.

I’m sick for another reason too….my Tar Heels got slaughtered last night by Michigan State. I didn’t even finish watching the game it was so pathetic.

I already had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for today so I’ll probably be put on something to help this sinus infection. Yay, antibiotics. (detect sarcasm?)

I’m on chapter 4 of One Way Love by Tullian Tchividjian (seriously, how do you even pronounce his last name??) and it’s really good so far!

“It’s when we come to the end of ourselves that we come to the beginning of grace.”

“Doing the right thing with the wrong motivation reveals deep unrighteousness not devout righteousness.”

A quote by T.S Elliot: “the last temptation is the greatest treason: to do the right deed for the wrong reason.”

Alright y’all, I would write some more but I’m just feeling awful. I hope to write some more later.

 

 

 

 

Posted in random, Uncategorized

Self involved

I finally admitted to my mom today that I realized I can be self involved. I’ve never opened up like this before and of course the tears started flowing.

I think I’ve known I can be self involved for quite some time now but was just in denial. I mean, c’mon who wants to admit a flaw like this? But God has been working in my heart and has made me realize I need to stop focusing on myself and start focusing on others.

It’s not easy to open up like this. I don’t like feeling like this, feeling vulnerable. I don’t want others to see me like this. But God has spoken to me and it’s time I addressed this flaw.

Hi, my name is Leigh and I am self involved. I think of myself first. I tend to think of others only after I am comfortable myself. Do I mean to do this? No!! I don’t mean to be self involved! I don’t WANT to be self involved. This is going to be hard to overcome at first but by the grace of God I will overcome this flaw.

I only have one request of all of you who read this blog: please pray for me that I can stop focusing on myself and allow God to work in me.

Posted in random

Pet Peeve…

One thing I absolutely cannot tolerate is disrespect.

There is a situation going on in my life right now that I don’t want to discuss but the LEVEL of disrespect shown by this person towards another family member has reached an all time low. And it breaks my heart for this family member being disrespected. She doesn’t deserve to be treated this way, not when she has shown nothing but compassion and hospitality.

It triggers my anger to see her treated this way.

I do have an anger problem. I am currently in counseling for it, as a matter of a fact. I realized my need for anger management a few months ago after an explosive situation. It scared me and I knew I needed help.

But I get so angry at certain things and situations in my life. I must learn to control this anger though.

Tonight’s sermon hit me hard.  We have been studying Ephesians for the past few months and tonight’s lesson was on Ephesians 4:25-32. And in verse 26 it says “In your anger do not sin, Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

Now I know that there is what is called “righteous anger.” My question is…..is my anger about the level of disrespect “righteous?” Or am I TOO angry? I already have problems with this person so maybe I’m just using this disrespect issue as another reason to avoid them and want nothing to do with them.

Sometimes I feel like a failure as a Christian. I realize I need to show this person love and compassion but for some reason I just can’t quite seem to jump that hurdle. And it eats me up daily because I know this is not how God would treat this person.  It’s not how I need to be, as a Christian.

Why can’t I seem to let this go?? Guess that’s why I’m in therapy, huh? It’s a Christian therapist so I don’t have to worry about being steered in the wrong direction, this much I know.

I could use a lot of prayer right now so if you think about it stop and say a little prayer for me.

This anger problem is holding me back from truly being the person God created me to be. I know this for sure. And I want to be the person God created me to be. I want to truly be free!

Posted in Uncategorized

Speak Now

I finally was able to get Taylor Swift’s new CD, Speak Now today. I love it. Call me crazy but her songs are awesome! I haven’t heard a single one that I didn’t like! Makes me want to write songs! lol

I can’t believe Christmas has come and gone! Where in the world did 2010 go?? We just had a HUGE snowfall the other day! I LOVE IT! I haven’t seen this much snow in my life! I’m not exaggerating! I live in Virginia….we just don’t see much snow on the east coast!

been working like crazy lately. i’m so exhausted. i’ve been trying to get back into my writing but i have been in this huge writer’s block for months now. it’s driving me crazy! i WANT to write but the moment i sit down to start writing, NOTHING comes! grrrrr…

like right now for instance….i want to write a blog worth reading but my brain just won’t come up with the ideas! *sigh*

maybe if i just start writing what comes to mind…..hmmm…that could be dangerous. lol

i’m wondering if i’m ever going to truly be successful. i mean, i’m 27 years old with a college degree and i am living at home! what is wrong with this picture??? i keep getting plagued by health problems. from kidney stones to frequent sinus problems to migraines….it’s enough to drive a person insane! when will the craziness end so that i can truly live my life?