So it’s been a rough couple of months. I’ve been dealing with my depression/bipolar disorder AND fibromyalgia relapse all at once. It’s been…well, it’s been downright miserable.
I hate this feeling of hopelessness. I hate this feeling of sadness that just consumes me. I hate the pain, both physical and mental. I hate being told to “snap out of it, ” “just push through it,” and “it’s all in your head.” (which, well, yeah it IS in my head but it’s not me making it up or something….it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain.) Believe me, it doesn’t help. I mean, it might be good advice for some, but for most people suffering from depression and other mental health disorders, it just doesn’t help.
I hate that Satan has his grip on me and the more and more I try to shake him off, the tighter he holds on.
So with that said…please say a prayer for me. I’m just not in a good place right now.
According to the dictionary, complacency is defined as self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies
Complacency in a Christian’s life is dangerous. We fall into a routine where we ignore God, ignore His gentle whispers, and forget who He is and what He can do for us.
All we have to do is place our complete attention and focus on HIM! Not ourselves…HIM!
I definitely do not want to forget who the Lord is. I don’t want to forget His kindness, gentleness, and goodness. I don’t want to forget anything about Christ.
Yet sometimes I fall short. Okay, scratch that. I don’t sometimes fall short. I DO fall short. A LOT!
Lately, I’ve been in the danger zone of complacency. I find myself leaning into the world rather than leaning on Christ.
I find myself just going through the motions.
I don’t want this. I don’t want to just go through the motions as a Christian. You know…going to church, singing the songs, reading my Bible. I want to WANT Christ. I don’t want to make it a routine where I do these things without it changing my life.
James 4:17 says, “Remember it is a sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.”
Well, it took two and a half years but Covid caught up with me. I’m feeling so much better than last week but I still have some lingering effects. I went back to work today but had to leave early because the weakness and fatigue were overpowering me.
My mom now has Covid, unfortunately. Actually, I think we both came down with it around the same time only hers took a little more time to show symptoms.
I hope to start blogging more consistently, but we’ll see how it goes.
3 Then he told them many things in parables, saying: “A farmer went out to sow his seed.4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up.5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow.6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants.8 Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.
Matthew 13 3-8
18 “Listen then to what the parable of the sower means:19 When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path.20 The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy.21 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away.22 The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful.23 But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”
In my devotions this morning I read the parable of the sower. As I was reading I began thinking, “Which type of soil am I? Am I the good soil? Do I hear the Word and immediately let it take root, growing and producing fruit? Or do I let it fall on rocky or thorny ground, letting trials and persecutions bring me down, choking what little fruit may have been there?
I came across a quote this morning while doing my devotions.
We easily indemnify ourselves of idolatry because we don’t worship golden status and our cars are not idols, yet we place more confidence in our salary to survive than in God. When your satisfaction lies in something other than your relationship with God, there is an idol lurking somewhere. Idols are much more dangerous than what is visible to the eye, it is an attitude that takes root in your heart. Fight against it because it wants to steal God’s place in your life.
We live in an idol-driven world. We want what we want and we try our hardest to get it, meanwhile ignoring the warning flags that are going up everywhere trying to point us away from the world and point us to God. We allow worldly pleasures and desires to take over the #1 spot in our hearts, where God is supposed to be.
Idols come in all shapes and sizes.
How much time do you spend mindlessly scrolling through the latest Facebook posts, the latest Tik Tok videos, the latest Instagram reel? I, too, am guilty of this.
How much time do you spend watching shows on Netflix or Hulu?
Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with these things, to a degree. It’s how we let it take first place in our heart that makes it bad.
No matter what it is….if I’m focusing more on those things rather than the Lord….it. is. an. idol!
Lately I’ve been distracted from turning to Jesus. I get so caught up in technology that I forget what’s really important. I have made an idol and placed it in front of Jesus. I’ve bumped Jesus to number 2, or 3 or even 4 instead of #1 in my life.
Who, or what, is #1 in your life?
Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.
I just turned in an assignment for my creative writing class that has held pretty much all my attention for the past few weeks. We had to write a one-act play! Now let me tell you, lol, I didn’t think I could do it at first. I’ve never even attempted this genre before. But as much as it took me out of my comfort zone, I learned a lot through writing this. And while I don’t see scriptwriting as something I’ll pursue, it was still fun (well, for the most part. I had to get over my tendency to overthink things. It took me quite some time to come up with a story.)
However, I turned it in this past Monday and am just awaiting my grade. 🙂
I can’t believe classes are almost over! I’m looking into taking more classes in the fall. I have really enjoyed learning new things.
In other news, I had my bunion surgery on March 11 and I am healing quite nicely! I got a lot done in my classes while I’ve been out of work!
I am hoping that after my 3rd post-op appointment on the 19th I will be cleared to drive and go back to work. Not driving has driven (haha, see what I did there?) me absolutely bonkers!
Anyway, I hope things are well with all of you! As my classes are drawing to a close I’m hoping to get on here more often.
As most of you know, I’m a HUGE college basketball fan. I am a HUGE Tar Heel fan! It’s March…which means, bring on the madness!!
My bracket was busted the first game out. LOL so there’s that. But today we played #1 seed Baylor with a trip to Philadelphia for the Sweet 16! WE WON! We will be playing UCLA next Friday!
I LOVE this sport!
On another note, I’m doing well in my classes! 98 in Creative Writing and 88 in English Lit! In creative writing we have to write a one-act play which I’m struggling with but I know I can get it done. Just takes a little more focus and discipline. 🙂
How have you all been? I know it’s been a while since I last posted!
I have so much to be thankful for, so many blessings, and yet…I take advantage of it. I don’t give it much thought. I don’t seem to appreciate what I have.
It’s time for a change.
So most of you all know I’m taking two classes at my local community college. And while I’ve enjoyed every minute (okay maybe not every minute, LOL) I have allowed these assignments to take over and I have, in turn, let God slip down the list on my priorities.
I hate this. I hate that I keep doing this! I’m going through the motions again. I go to church, I plaster that smile, I tell everyone I’m doing fine. When in all actuality, I’m not.
I’ve got so much going on right now. I’m getting ready to have surgery on my right foot on March 11th. Personally, I’m struggling. Financially things are extremely tight and I’ll be out of work for at least 6 weeks.
I’ve got to find my way back to the Lord. I can’t do this on my own.
I just wanted to update y’all and let you know that I haven’t forgotten my blog. 🙂
Oh! I currently have an A in creative writing and a B in English Lit. 🙂 Taking online courses isn’t as daunting as I thought!